Happy Birthday to me

My birthday was yesterday! I didn’t really think about it too much. It’s a good thing. My birthdays always suck! I’ve been very depressed on the last several birthdays. I usually end up spending them alone cursing the cosmos that I was even born. Questioning what exactly is the point of celebrating another birthday and living another year of miserable existence.

I didn’t think about that this year. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because I thought I was actually going to die this year. I mean for all I know I still could. Don’t get me wrong, my birthday still sucked but I didn’t feel suicidally depressed or the almost overwhelming urge to do something self-destructive.

The highlight of the day was getting my present, a new TV. It was a real pain trying to get it into my room. I scratched it up all kinds of ways. I’ll just buy some silver spray paint or something and touch it up some other day. The most difficult thing was probably setting up the universal remote or remembering where all the cables and cords plug in to. Still don’t know if I did it right (according to the directions) but it works so I’m neither complaining nor trying to tamper with it.

I heard from my best friend D., yesterday. As kids we used to live next door to each other and spent almost all of our time together. Then girls came into the picture, several moves (both of us), and marriage and kids (him). Life happens, I guess and because of that sometimes we don’t get the chance to talk to each other much. I greatly enjoy the times we do chat. Even when we’re not really talking about shit. He called yesterday to wish me Happy Birthday. We mainly talked about women we met off of party/chat/date lines. The stories I could tell about some of those chicks. Anyway, he was under the impression that I wouldn’t be there because it’s my birthday. Where else would I be? I’m not a bar hopper or club person and even if I were it was only like 12:30 PM. Not to mention since I’ve been a kid most people I know are usually broke around my birthday. It just falls in that time where people either get their first October check the week after or two weeks after my birthday and the last September check pays the bills due around the first of the month. So even if I wanted to go somewhere, I’d either have to pay or go alone. I wasn’t that bored so I stayed home.

If you’re curious to why I call these lines populated by questionable women the answer is mainly because I’m bored. Most people I know are asleep when I want to just shoot the breeze or whatever. Usually you can find someone on these lines anytime of the day or night. So if I’m bored and can’t sleep at 3:30 AM then there’s probably someone up and on the line in the same situation. A lot of the ones I talk to lately seem to be in need of some sort of psychiatric help but beggars can’t be choosers.

My birthday started out with my “girlfriend” calling me at 6:48 AM. Now if she did this so she could be the first person to have said Happy Birthday to me or because she didn’t plan on talking to me that day I don’t know. I tend to suspect the latter. I really couldn’t tell you what our so-called relationship is. It doesn’t feel like a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It doesn’t feel like a real friendship either. I have different levels of friendship. I’m not really sure I can even call it that because I really only consider my two best friends my friends when I look at it. Anyway, me and my girlfriend are so on-again off-again, I’m not sure how long we’ve actually been together.

Well, fall has always been a season of change for me so things will change. Our relationship will change, for the better, or it will end. I’m not happy with how things are and my needs aren’t being meant. I doubt her needs are being meant either, to be fair. Then again to be honest, I’ve never been interested and probably never will be interested in attempting to meet anyone’s needs when mine aren’t being meant. Call me wrong if you want to but that’s how I feel. I think she’s a good person overall but maybe I’m not right for her and vice versa. I suppose the answers will be revealed soon enough.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.