Not a lot happened over the weekend and that’s cool with me. Velvet fell asleep on me Friday night. I knew something was up when she started mentioning my stamina about staying up late. Then it got quiet. Next thing I know I hear snoring in the background. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. After I murdered millions of knuckle babies in her name, I weeped softly into my pillow like a heartbroken schoolgirl, and took my ass to sleep. Okay two of the last three things I mentioned might not have actually happened…that night…or at all. Am I joking or serious? [In sing songy voice] I’ll never tell.
I talked to my best friend A. over the weekend. She called my cell phone and I didn’t recognize the ring tone for the life of me. Right now I’m rocking all of the generic ringtones. I have some software that lets me make my own ringtones, so whenever I figure out how to get my computer to recognize my phone and let me download to it directly then I’m good to go. Anyway, it was good to hear from her since I don’t really get to talk to either of my best friends all that much lately. She sounded a lot better than she did the last time we spoke so I hope she’s been working things out and exorcising her demons so to speak.
It’s been colder than a snowman serial killer over the past couple of days. I took out some trash Saturday night and almost had to crawl because I was doubled over when my balls recoiled up inside me to stay warm. I went to the gas station to get a bag of chips and paid for it with some of the change I keep inside pussy. I swear if I had tried to lick my change I’d have quarters, dimes, and nickels stuck to my tongue. Seriously, it hurt just holding that change. It was so cold I was ready to slap my mama, your mama, and anybody else’s mama I saw that night. It’s the type of cold that when a breeze goes up your nostrils you get an instant headache. I’m glad it feels like winter but I’m still waiting for some significant snow. Give me the cold, the snow, my orange spice tea, and a big booty cuddle monkey and don’t wait up for me.
It doesn’t look like it’s going to be much better this week. The low temperature for today is supposed to be -4 but the windchill factor could make it feel it’s somewhere between -15 and -20 degrees. Tomorrow it will be a scorching 0 degrees. I don’t think the low is even supposed to crack double digits until Saturday.
I didn’t do anything special for Super Bowl Sunday. I was telling Val about the Puppy Bowl special airing on Animal Planet. Basically it was a bunch of puppies frolicking around in a play area that resembled a football stadium. They background/mood music playing and piped in cheering sounds. Whenever one of the puppies got tackled, jumped, or got a good run going they did an instant replay of it. No they weren’t actually playing football but it was cool. They even had a “referee” who called timeout to clean up accidents, refill the water bowl (it had a glass bottom and a camera underneath to record the puppies drinking), and to rotate out and substitue puppies. It was so fucking adorable!
At half-time the dogs were taken out of the play area and the cats played around. Cats suck! They’re boring and can’t hold a candle to a puppies cuteness or personality on any level. Most of the cats pretty much laid there and looked distrubed by the camera. Some of them played with toys and the set. One cat pretty much lost it’s mind and attacked anyone that tried to come up on it’s perch. That was one mean pussy or was it a crazy pussy! Either way bad pussy! Val was being a hater and couldn’t see why it would be on for three hours. I thought it was so crazy that it was genius. Like whoever first thought of showing that Yule log in the fireplace during the holidays on TV. If Val was here I would’ve made her watch all three hours of it.
I had several people ask me if I was going to rent a big screen TV for a day to watch it. I didn’t throw any parties or attend any. Football is okay but it really isn’t that serious to me. I’m just a casual fan not a fanatic. I actually dozed off during the second half of the second quarter and woke up to catch most of the half-time show. I could’ve sworn I read a Prince interview where he said he wouldn’t be performing any of his older catalog anymore because he found religion or some crap like that. Maybe it was false or he changed his mind because only his most dedicated fans would even recognize his most recent stuff. I like Prince but once you start requiring chicken bones, smoke signals, and me jumping through hoops to cop your shit then don’t count on any sales money from me buying your CD.
I watched most of the third quarter, I think, and then flipped the channel to watch HBO so I could watch Rome. It’s a pretty good series by the way. It’s a shame that their ending the series after this year. I wasn’t even remotely impressed by the Superbowl commercials I saw. In fact I’d even go so far as to say that they sucked sweaty, shit covered, donkey dick! If I was a shareholder in some of these companies I’d be pissed that they wasted so much money for that garbage.
Why don’t all stadiums have a roof?
Did anyone else chuckle at the irony of Prince singing Purple Rain while it was actually raining?
I finally started gathering Val’s Valentine’s Day present. By the end of today, I should be done with that shopping. Now if I’ll ever agree to have another Valentine is up in the air. I’d definitely be someone’s Valentine because well, I like getting presents and I don’t feel that I get nearly as many gifts as I should.