Nope, it’s not Christmas but since it is that time of year I’ve decided to be nice and make this post public, well at least for the time being anyway. Don’t get too excited because the next one will most definitely be private again and reserved for the special people. The regulars know the deal but new people listen up! If you’re new to Freakytopia, this may not be the first post you want to read as an introduction to me. Come back after the holidays or the new year. If you’re still here then I implore you to take the time to read the disclaimer & rules and comment policy sections located on the Pages sidebar to the right. The About Me section may be informative too.
Fuck it Friday is my extra special series of rants dedicated to the people, places, and things that piss me the fuck off. You’re not going to find brotherhood, sisterhood, hugs, kisses, or warm and fuzzy feelings here. There are plenty of other bloggers who represent sunshine, unicorns, rainbows, and all that other cute and happy bullshit or at least put on airs like they do. If that’s more to your liking then I question why your curious ass is here in the first place but feel free to go find them. The things I say on this post and on this blog in general may be consider anti-religious, anti-children, sexist, racist, elitist, or any other type of “anti” or “ist”. If this offends your sensibilities then tough titties, I didn’t ask you here in the first place so get the fuck on and don’t come back! If anything I say here hits a bit too close to home for you then you need to work on that. I’m not going to apologize for any sentiment I express, either explicitly or implicitly, on Fuck it Friday! or any other post on my blog. I’m only speaking on my experiences, perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and reality. Yours may differ but understand even if that is the case your reality has no bearing on mine whatsoever.
Fuck my money being better after the new year!
Fuck everybody who’s getting more presents and better presents than me! Fuck everybody I’m not getting a present from! I feel like Grinching today. Fuck you if you have a problem with that!
Fuck everybody I won’t be kissing under the mistletoe or kissing to ring in the New Year!
Fuck everyone who complains about how commercial the holidays are if they’ve ever bought into that same commercialism themselves!
Fuck not being done with my Christmas shopping!
Fuck my mom adopting families at work and buying little trinkets for the bastard children of her clients! Motherfuckers cutting into money she could be spending on my gift. I can accept her buying things for my dog, my sister, and even my brother-in-law but keep that money within the family or it’s off to Shady Acres for you woman!
Fuck pumpkin eggnog! Nope, I’ve never had it but that shit just sounds nasty as fuck! Why would anyone bastardize the sweet goodness that is eggnog by tainting it with pumpkin? That’s just not right. Oh yeah, fuck eggnog haters! You don’t know what you’re missing. Oh well, more for me.
Fuck those little kids in the Frosty the Snowman cartoon frolicking around in the snow with no hats, coats, or even sweaters! So that’s where white people get the whole dressing like it’s summer when it’s snow on the ground thing from. Mystery solved!
Fuck bootleg Santa Clauses! I don’t want to see anymore charcoal black chocolodites trying to claim they’re Santa. Santa isn’t black! I don’t give a flying blue fuck what anybody else says! I also don’t want to see any more skinny ass meth addict looking Santas either. That’s just sad.
Fuck Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC! I fucking hate that damn song!
Fuck people who fight to have nativity scenes on government owned public property! First you try to force your religion down my throat like you were face fucking me by displaying that corny shit on property you don’t even own and then you waste taxpayer money by forcing the city to defend themselves against a bullshit lawsuit. That doesn’t sound very Christian like. On second thought it does sound like those hypocritical do as I say my God wants you to and not as I actually do motherfuckers! Suck on baby dick like your religious leaders!
Fuck Christians getting their panties in a knot talking about they feel like Christmas is under attack! Nobody is telling you that you can’t say Merry Christmas. They are saying that you need to be aware and acknowledge that everybody isn’t a Christian. So if other people being considerate by saying Happy Holidays makes you uncomfortable or offends you then Happy Holidays! Now eat a candy cane and shut the fuck up! How about showing some of that Christ-like compassion and consideration your ilk claims to have or is striving for and quit with the persecution complex already.
Fuck retail stores that know they’re going to have an upsurge of customers (like during the holidays) yet don’t have enough registers open or people to operate them! I’m already stressed out, don’t make me wait in line and stew about how much this sucks and start thinking of alternate places to go and things to get that don’t involve me waiting in your slow ass line! And while we’re at it, turn down the fucking heat! You already got me pissed off, annoyed, and impatient so you decide to literally get me heated too? What’s next, throwing hot piss in my face while forcing me to listen to a Jehovah’s Witness beg for money?
Fuck parents who insist on taking their children to these overcrowded stores, during the busiest time of the year and letting the little bastards run roughshod! I don’t want to hear your little demon seed screaming and crying because his mom is a ginormously inconsiderate and oblivious dumbass who is too lazy or stupid to drop him off at grandma’s house before doing her Christmas shopping. Looks like you and the sperm donor should’ve had a swallow night instead of letting him go up in you raw, fucktard!
Fuck people that don’t consider cash or gift cards gifts! If you weren’t so fucking difficult to shop for there wouldn’t be a need for gift cards. I don’t want to think about the hidden meaning or significance of what I get you says or means. It’s a fucking present! Enjoy it! I also don’t want to guess at what you want! If I guess wrong I’ve wasted my time, thought, and money. That doesn’t endear me to you or make me anxious to repeat the gift giving experience again. Feel me? So either tell me what you want in the first place or take the gift card, buy something you want, and shut the fuck up!
Fuck people that ask me what I want and then say they don’t like the suggestions I gave them! Excuse me?! You asked what I wanted and I told you. I probably gave you suggestions in all sorts of price ranges to be considerate and realistic. However, if you’re not going to even consider giving me what I want then why even bother asking me or wasting your money giving me something I’m not going to appreciate, like, or even be thankful for? Might I suggest you choke on an obscene amount of my cum, follow it up by drinking a big cup of bleach, and dying? Thanks!
Fuck the number of people on my Christmas card mailing list is at an all-time low this year!
Fuck fruitcakes! Whoever invented that yuletide abomination should be beaten half dead with fruitcakes, baked in one, forever regifted, and never eaten like the rest of them. Same goes for assholes who buy them as gifts!
Fuck the people who will inevitably try to get back into my life now that the holidays are here! I’m tired of dealing with boomerangs, stay the fuck gone.
Fuck my semester ending so damn late! Well, I’m finally done for the semester.
Fuck your New Year’s Eve, fuck your New Year’s Day, fuck your couch, and fuck the horse you rode in on! Ho, ho, ho, hoes! Fuck your Christmas!