Midafternoon Monday Meme

Not a damn thing going on today.  The last post was about five days ago so I wanted to put something up.  Hope everyone had a good, fun, or whatever type of 4th of July weekend you wanted to have.

1. How many rings until you answer the phone?
Enough for the caller ID to come up and for me to decide if I feel like being bothered with whoever is calling. Usually, I pick up on the first or second ring.

2. Do you type with your fingers on the ‘home’ keys?
As a matter of fact I do. Who would’ve thought that semester of typing in 8th grade and the other two in high school would’ve clicked? Now if only I could get my words per minute up.

3. Who told you they loved you last?
Verbally, it would more than likely be my mommy. My best friend usually says she loves me in her letters.  Otherwise I don’t tend to hear it unless I say it first and I refuse to say it first any more.

4. What color are your eyes?
The same color as most Black people’s eyes. That would be brown, Captain Obvious.  I bet Whites get pissed off when they have plain brown eyes.

5. Who is the first person on your top 8?
I only have two people saved as friends on MySpace so none of that stuff is really important. Maybe I’ll find some more disciples to add one of these days.  I think it’s in alphabetical order. I’d tell you to look but you can’t because it’s private. BWAHAHAHA!

6. What’s your relationship with your first person in your top 8?
Crack dealer?

7. Which shoe goes on first?
The first one I grab, of course. Duh!

8. Would you consider cheating on your s/o if they were on the other side of the world for 3 months?
I can take care of myself for three months but much longer than that and either we need to have an open relationship or just be friends.  What’s the purpose of making someone your girl if you can’t paint her insides on the regular?

9. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Caramel frappaccino or whatever is new on the menu that catches my fancy.  *cough* Still waiting for that gift card. *cough*

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
I sure have.

11. Do you wear a watch?
Whenever I’m out and about I have to wear a watch. There’s just something about not being able to tell the proper passage of time at my whim that bothers me. I also don’t want to be one of those annoying assholes that’s asking you for the time every five minutes. It’s time for you to quit talking to me and get a clock you bothersome fucktard!  How the fuck are you going to be so worried about the time and not have a watch?

12. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
A gum job from a 60 year old tranny midget hooker. Okay that’s not true.  Lunch at Mickey D’s for me and the tranny midget hooker giving me a gum job.  Let me stop playing.  The only thing he/she got fed was a liquid Freaky protein shake straight to the throat.  BWAHAHAHA!

13. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?
Don’t have a credit card, just debit. I think it was the Swallow or it goes in your eye t-shirt, which I’ll get next week.

14. What was the last movie you watched?
Last thing I saw at the movies was Hancock. The last movie I saw on TV was Star Wars: Episode 5 – The Empire Strikes Back. The last thing I saw on DVD was either Irreversible or I Spit On Your Grave.

15. Is sex before marriage wrong?
Considering the fact that I doubt I’ll ever get married if sex before marriage is wrong I haven’t been right for a long time and I never plan to be. I wouldn’t even let someone be my girlfriend until I’ve hit it a couple of times.  Sex before marriage is mandatory.

16. What do you think of your friends?
I like ’em, I trust them, and the feelings mutual that’s why they’re my friends.

17. Do you like painkillers?
When I’m in pain, they’re a godsend.  Otherwise drug users are weak minded people who are beneath me and deserving of only contempt.

18. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Six, but two are not being used at all.

19. Does your computer have a mouse?
My desktop computer does.  I still haven’t gotten one for my laptop.  It would be nice to have one.

20. What is your zodiac sign?
Libra or Ox depending on which zodiac sign you mean.

21. What’s the most recent band you’ve been introduced to?
Coldplay.

22. Who is/are your favorite comedian(s)?
George Carlin, Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy (the leather outfit wearing one), Chris Rock, and Dennis Miller.

23. How do you feel about your hair?
I wish I had longer hair, that it was brown sometimes, and that it was the same texture as when I was a baby.  I think Val wants to braid me up.  Personally I think males above the age of five wearing braids in their hair are destined to be pillow biting, rainbow flag waving, baton twirling drum majors and their parents need to be beaten and ass raped with mini baseball bats for thinking it’s cute.  I told Val that I’d be willing to grow out the hair on my balls and let her braid me up some devil horns down there but she had the nerve to refuse.  That’s hot and hood! Yeah.

24. What are you doing tonight?
I’ll probably leave some dead babies dripping from your face or give you a pearl necklace.  More than likely I’ll be watching Power Rangers Jungle Fury and Monday Night Raw.

25. Longest shift you’ve ever worked?
Might have been 12 hours a couple of years ago during tax season.  Never again I tell you.  Crooked motherfuckers!  Well, unless the lobby is full of scantily clad strippers.

26. Who sleeps with you every night?
The voices in my head and the evil angry monkey hiding in my closet.

27. Would you ever fake illness to get attention?
No, that’s just sad.  I’d fake a pregnancy though.  *smirk*

28. Have you ever been tied up/cuffed?
Yeah, I used to have a pair of handcuffs. I’m also into bondage so I’ve been restrained and handcuffed, and enjoyed it. Guess I should get another pair of cuffs one of these days and leg restraints and a ball gag and a gimp hood and… That’s hot.

29. Do you have any phobias?
I don’t think I have any true phobias.  I don’t particularly care for hospitals, crowds, confined spaces, bugs, or being ass raped while incarcerated (or not incarcerated for that matter).

30. How many years is it until you turn 100?
What does it matter?  I plan on being long dead well before I reach 100.  But if you really need to know a little over 65 years.  Happy now?  Fucking bastard.

31. What letter/number does your street start with?
What the fuck kind of question is that?  Why not ask for my government name, phone number, and social security number too?  I live at 555 Noneya Fucking Business Blvd between the intersection of Fuck You and Nosy Bitch!

32. Do you visit your grandparents at least once a week?
No, all of my grandparents are dead.

33. Have you ever messed up your computer?
I’ve made some errors and poor judgment that temporarily wreaked havoc with my computer.  Nothing I couldn’t fix though.

34. Is your bedroom clean?
Not really.  It’s cluttered and I definitely need to dust.  It’s unlikely that either will change before August at the earliest unless you want to come over and take care of things.

35. Is wearing socks with sandals cute?
I’m not really into feet or fashion like that.  If it’s comfortable to you then wear what the fuck you like.  Only fags and bitches have steadfast rules and deep seeded opinions on this matter.

36. Have you ever had lice?
Eww!  No, I don’t hang around in trailer parks, with dirty motherfuckers with shit crawling around in their hair, or with kids.

37. What color are the sheets on your bed?
Tan with a leopard print.

38. Do you know what an IP address is?
I sure do and more importantly I know yours and how to block it.  Yeah, I’m talking about you scary bloody pussy ass lurkers!

39. What instantly makes you laugh/smile?
Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy, the FreeCreditReport.com commercials, and the commercial with the dog scooting his ass across the carpet.

40. Are you flexible?
Sure if you pull some things out of the joint or break my bones then I’m hella flexible you stupid fucktard!

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.