Pussy & prattle

Funny thing happened to me today.  I bought an SUV today.  A couple of hours ago we finished the financing and I bought Pussy.  She’s mine, mine, all mine!  Woohoo!  Well, technically she belongs to the bank until I’m done paying her off but since I’ve never missed or been late on a car payment I’m not really worried about it.   I am getting tired of the amazed looks people give me whenever they hear about the mileage on my truck.  Depending on the weather and gas prices I will probably drive to Parts Unknown once or twice.   Probably in the spring or summer.  Just have to decide if I’m going to drive straight through or stop halfway and get a room somewhere and continue on after getting some rest.

Now that she’s mine I can finally consider doing some things I’d never do on a lease.  Like what?  Well, there’s the remote car starter that I will definitely have before next winter.  It’s too fucking cold to be sitting out there with my teeth chattering waiting for Pussy to warm up.  I can also finally consider getting my baby painted to a color more becoming of me.  Anyone know of a good auto paint shop?  There’s also the matter of upgrading the sound maybe adding an amplifier and a subwoofer so I can finally get some nice bass when I’m listening to my gangsta rap.   Those are the three improvements that top my list.  I’m sure I’ll think of others.  Maybe I can find a way to get an air mattress to inflate whenever I fold down the rear seats.  What?  I need to christen my ride, might as well be comfortable.

I think I’m going to have to start giving my mom some NyQuil or something.  Every time I take her somewhere she just turns into a chatty Cathy.  Chatty people literally make my head hurt.  If she was anybody else I would’ve kicked her under the table or stomped her foot, discretely of course.  Maybe I need to call my sister and see if she can take her to dinner or something.  She needs someone to talk to.  Well, more exactly she needs someone to listen and I’m just not in the mood to hear anyone’s incessant prattle.   Do I get any credit for that BW?  Pretty much everyone’s conversation starts sounding like adult characters in a Peanuts cartoon after about a half hour.  However, with most people I can look them in the eyes and say for the love of cute baby puppies would you please shut the fuck up?!    I’m kind of mad that I didn’t get financed when they were giving away $500 gas cards but I got a decent rate.  I still want a free gas card.

We were listening to Shade45 on the way from the credit union to the dealership.  Had to sign some papers to transfer the lien from the dealership to the credit union and give the dealership a check that I should’ve taken a picture of.  Oh wait, I think I have a copy of it.  Anyway, the discussion was about a husband and wife who got laid off or fired from their jobs and decided together to kill their children and themselves.  The DJ, Rude Jude, was kind of an asshole.  He said something along the lines of anyone who doesn’t find some joy everyday of their lives isn’t human.  Guess I’m not human then.  Joy isn’t something I experience a lot.  Material things give me joy.  Money gives me joy.  Sex gives me joy and I could probably think of a few other things but, I’m sure my list is a lot shorter than most people’s lists, other than that, not a whole lot of joy here.  If I had the chance to turn off all of my emotions I’d do it in a second.  Maybe that’s one of the reasons I’ve always been fascinated with death.  Anyway, the DJ said it wasn’t that bad and it is never that bad.  I disagreed.  Sure it was a fucked up situation but part of me understands it.  The understatement of the day was my mom asking, “This isn’t regular radio is it?”   Nope.

I finally got my check oil light reset.  It was so ridiculously simple, part of me feels great shame.  Oh well, at least they didn’t charge me.  Now I just have to write down what I did so I remember it two years from now when I get my next oil change.  LOL.  I’ll be mad as hell if I Google it and the instructions are right there taunting me.   Glad my first payment isn’t due until March.  I can use February to pay my registration which went up 100%.  Thanks for nothing Michigan legislature.  My monthly payment only went up by about $25.  Why did my mom tell me that wasn’t bad and the payment was still cheaper than her first car.  Um, your first car was an Italian sports car!  Get the fuck out of here with that!  I looked at the Pontiac Solstice while I was there.  It’s a sexy car.  Don’t think I’d be able to fit in it comfortably though.  The salesman seated across from the car looked so happy I thought he was going to hump my leg or something.  I told him I was just looking but he still wanted to give me a card.  Okay dude.  If you’re still selling cars in five years I might holla at you.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.