5ive things my girl thinks is weird about me:
1. My arm fetish.
2. How I like to scream, “Nein” while spanking her.
3. My “irrational” hatred of all things Trey Songz.
4. Outside of sex and showers I don’t really like being completely naked.
5. My finicky eating habits.
5ive conventions I want to attend:
1. Consumer Electronics Show (CES)
2. San Diego Comic-Con
3. AVN Adult Entertainment Expo
4. Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3)
5. Mobile World Congress
5ive things I’d do if I were President:
1. Ban B.E.T.
2. Schedule my speeches to preempt shows I don’t give a fuck about like RHOA and Jersey Shore.
3. During one of my speeches work in the phrase, “Nigga, do you know who the fuck I am?!”
4. Have a shitload of people detained, deported, tortured, or killed by my own personal CIA Black-Ops team.
5. Hire strippers as interns and fuck every last one of them.
5ive more euphemisms for semen:
1. Booty butter
2. Throat coat
3. Tit spit
4. Milk of Dicknesia
5. Boo Goo
5ive female friends I need:
1. A shoplifter. (I like gifts and my tastes are kind of on the pricey side.)
2. A slut. (Always nice to have someone down to receive those emergency liquid Freaky injections whenever the need arises.)
3. A drunk. (I never have anyone to drink with.)
4. A thug bitch. (Sometimes chicks need to be strongly corrected, it’d be nice to have a chick who can knock a bitch out for me.)
5. A confidante. (I miss having someone I can let my guard down with and talk about pretty much anything to.)