Fuck people who don’t include me on plans in the first place and then get mad when I don’t want to take part in them! Last time I checked I was grown and slavery was still abolished so fuck what you thought! If I’m not consulted on something in which you have reason to want, need, or expect my help then I’m under absolutely no obligation whatsoever to give that help. Furthermore, if it’s in my power I’m probably going to go out of my way to fuck up your plans just on general principle. *shrugs* Don’t assume shit with me because you’re just going to end up feeling like an ass courtesy of me.
Fuck online stores that won’t tell you how much shipping is unless you register for the site! Making me jump through all those hoops and creating yet another user name and password only to find out that your shipping is redonkulous only pisses me off more because you wasted my time! Let me get the full price before making me register asshats!
Fuck the combination of cheap plastic bags, gravity, and a bottle of grenadine syrup! Of all the things in the bag that could’ve fallen out why did it have to be my syrup? That’s that bullshit!
Fuck any club, group, organization, or society that involves, requires, or endorses initiations/hazing rituals! It’s stupid as fuck as are the people that go for that okey doke bullshit to join and believe it’s normal, right, or okay. I don’t need to be broken down and humiliated to be built up or “reborn”. You’re a sorry, weak-minded, mentally inept son of a bitch if you do. Fuck what you think!
Fuck the nutjob, bonkers, crazy ass bitch suing P. Diddy (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/2011/01/28/diddy-sued-for-1-trillion-woman-claims-date-rape-911-responsibility_n_815254 NULL.html) for one trillion dollars! Yeah, I said one trillion dollars! This batshit crazy broad thinks Diddy conspired with one of his exes and Rodney King to bring down the World Trade Center oh and she claims that he fathered a kid with her for good measure. Now if she accused Jay-Z of doing it then it might be true because we all know he’s Illuminati, right? *smirk* I hope after the case is thrown out she’s escorted directly to the psych ward without passing go or collecting $200.
Fuck the local news people on Facebook catching feelings about being put on blast for often being wrong about snowfall predictions! It’s about time someone called you out on it! I think you guys just pull forecasts out of your asses and make it up as it goes. You fools are a disgrace to free thinkers and scientists everywhere!
Fuck the U.S. wanting to sneak in an Internet kill switch through legislation! Call me paranoid but I just don’t trust the government to do the right thing and not abuse their power or our liberties.
Fuck YouTube bullies! I despise the ground bullies walk on just as a matter of principle but these assclowns who bully people and then post that shit on YouTube deserve to have their very first prison ass raping videotaped and posted on YouTube. Then the bastards should be forced to watch that shit and read the ignorant ass comments posted as a result.
Fuck females talking about their damn sex toys all the time! I don’t care that you have them but honestly hearing about them all the damn time does nothing for me. Well, that’s not true, it does something and that’s to seriously turn me off, I suppose. I guess my main problem is that since I never hear any of the sex toys lover talk about loving actual live dick nearly as much as their toys I kind of suspect things that aren’t easy to shake off and being the proud owner of a dick I’m offended by and have a problem with anyone that doesn’t love human dick as much as I love human pussy. Maybe I’ll feel differently when those life like Japanese sex robots are mass produced and I start my stable of b.o.b.’s (that’s battery operated bitches, by the way.) Who knows, maybe that robopussy will turn me out like all that plastic bullshit seems to have done a lot of you. *shrugs*
Fuck chicks trying to cake with you that have the need to ask, “What about your girl?”! Really?! Seriously?! For real?! I absolutely hate when chicks do that petty, simple ass bullshit! Why do you you do that? Bitch you ain’t give a fuck before so why the fuck you asking now? Seriously, most chicks I know pretty much have told me they don’t want to hear about any other woman I’m even remotely attracted to but lo and behold they always want to play that card. Methinks that’s the result of improper home training. Stay in your lane hoe! I don’t ask about your husband, fiancé, boyfriend, clients, or that old ass nigga you be trickin’ with so know your fucking role and juggle deez nuts!
Fuck celebrities begging for followers, friends, and fans on social networks! What kind of bitch ass Z list celebrity does that? If the fact that you’re famous doesn’t include enough built-in fanbase to give you enough fans to make you happy then how about trying to put yourself out there by making better movies, music, shows, or whatever the fuck your raison d’etre is instead of being Internet thirsty. Now with that being said I don’t make movies, music, or TV shows so I need followers, friends, and fans in the triple digits within a week or Satan is going to take me home. I also need money for a new pimp chalice, cane, and gator boots before my hoes revolt and leave me. Don’t judge me!
Fuck lurkers! Isn’t it easier to just leave a comment (like a normal person who isn’t a rude, annoying, Forrest Gump retarded, asshole) or stay the fuck away then to have me block every IP address you even think of? Oh, I don’t have anything better to do so I don’t mind doing it but the fact that you keep wanting to come by but are too much of a piss guzzling, shit eating, douchebag to leave comments just goes to show that on the night you were conceived you should’ve been swallowed. It’s gotten to the point that even if some of you lurkers delurked or you serial lookie-loos actually commented regularly I still wouldn’t like you. I hate everything about you.
Fuck news links that don’t identify what format the news will be in! I hate clicking on a link to read a story only to find out that it’s a video or a slide show. Ugh! It wouldn’t be so bad if the story was transcribed beneath the video or slide show but in general I prefer to actually read my news. How hard is that to understand?
Fuck people who just don’t get it! When I try to open up and share whatever feelings I have I don’t want to hear about how things could be worse. Things could also be better, so what the fuck is your point? What does that have to do with anything and how is that supposed to make me feel better or like you’re there for me? Let me fill you in on something. It doesn’t! Things like that just makes me conclude that I can’t or shouldn’t confide in you when things are bothering me and encourages me to look for someone more sympathetic and empathetic. How hard is it for people to act like they even care?
Fuck people who have trouble remembering the simplest of concepts! If you don’t want to be scolded and treated like a slow child then how about you stop acting like one, take some ginkgo biloba, do some puzzles and work on your memory with your pre-Alzheimer’s acting ass. Ugh!
Fuck broken promises! Hey, I never made anyone do something against their will so it really sticks my craw when someone makes a promise to me by their own volition and are either slower than a short bus during a blizzard or they just don’t do it! Regardless of what the reason is don’t get mad at me because your word is about as genuine and lasting as a teenage romance. If you’re not ready to act on that promise then just don’t say shit until you are. I can’t fucking stand liars and when you don’t keep your promise well that makes you a damned dirty liar in my book.
Fuck Magnums! Look part of the testing for condoms involve it being inflated and stretched to ridiculous portions. Following my train of thought? Your typical “average” sized condom can fit over your fist and go over your arm. Hell, it can be worn over your head if you put it on slowly. I’ve never seen a guy with a dick thicker than my arm or bigger than my head. If you know someone like that then he may actually be deserving of and needing a Magnum but otherwise it’s a marketing gimmick that you’ve obviously bought into. Either you’re a dude lying on your dick or you’re a deluded, dick greedy size queen that doesn’t know any better.
Fuck hospitals! They’re symbols of death to me and the less I have to be in or near one the better!
Fuck pimples! I thought that shit was supposed to end by the early 20s. I’m far removed from those years and yet they still don’t want to leave me be.
Fuck reporters in Egypt complaining about being arrested by the government and assaulted by citizens! You’re in a foreign country sticking your cameras and mics in the middle of riots/heated demonstrations. Sorry, but I think that kind of stuff goes with the territory when covering volatile situations like that. If you don’t want to see naked bitches don’t go to a strip club. If you don’t want to catch some ‘bows then don’t cover riots dumbfuck!
Fuck your weather! Fuck your weekend! Fuck your Twitter! Fuck your man! Fuck your kids, I am NOT the father!!!