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Hello February!
Categories: Friends & Family, Personal, Random Thoughts.
You don’t know my pain. You can’t share it, trade it, or take it away. Because of that you’re not allowed to judge how long I should have it or how I handle it. It’s my pain and mine alone. Fuck you and the bitch you oozed out of if you don’t understand that!
Lately, my mom keeps telling me things like where she keeps records, account numbers, and things I need to do presumably after she dies. I keep asking her if there’s anything I need to know and she says no. I hate those conversations. They scare me and make me sad. They also make me realize that if anything were to happen to her I don’t have one solitary reason worth living. Part of me is like why bother telling me when I’ve already told you what I planned to do if anything were to happen to you? Maybe she thinks I’ll puss out or something? I don’t know. Anyway, my mom is scheduled to take an early retirement next month and while I’m happy that she’ll finally get away from the stressful job and the ignorant ass people she has to deal with on a daily basis I’m afraid. I’ve heard so many countless stories of people working like slaves and just dropping dead within weeks of retiring. I’d have work til she’s 90 if it keeps her with me. It’s selfish but so am I and I’m okay with that.
I haven’t been feeling well lately. Hopefully, it’s all in my head or something totally out of left field but I’m thinking it’s bad. I’m hesitant to even mention it to my doctor for fear that it is something bad and the logical treatment interferes with my plan to move. For the past year, this move has been one of the few things I’ve been looking forward to and that gives me even a glimmer of some kind of hope. I won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of that even if it risks my health. I’m making my mom promise that no matter what happens she’ll leave the state by this summer. She already knows that if something happens I don’t want a funeral, I want to be cremated, I want all pictures of me destroyed, and I want my ashes scattered somewhere nice and quiet.
My sleep pattern is all over the map lately and my sinuses seems to choose late at night to act up the worst.
I can’t wait to actually visit some of the places I’m considering moving to. I’ve seen some nice places in one city. I’m not as high up on Atlanta as I once was. Too much differing information about it. Maybe it’s one of the places I need to visit and have a native show me around. Fortunately, I think that’s an option if I go that route. My mom suggested Florida and my sister says anywhere near a beach. I just don’t like the idea of being stuck in traffic while evacuating every time there’s a hurricane. Maybe I should consider looking further west. I’m keeping my options and mind open but truth be told, I already have a favorite contender. Anyone want to help me pack in a few months?
I find that when I can’t tell if you’re joking or being an ass or what your motive and intentions are that it’s best for me to extricate myself from you and regroup.
Operation Occupy Some Ass or Find a Boo has stalled for the moment. The chicks that seem to be interested in me are kind of dull, we don’t share many interests in common, and talking to them is like pulling teeth. I can’t do it. Let me try somewhere else.
Valentine’s day is around the corner. Can’t really say I’ve ever been into it. If I love and care about you then you’ll know it every day of the year. With that said I probably wouldn’t mind the day if I was the one being fawned over. Since I don’t have a Valentine any more and no one is fawning over me then I say it’s just another Tuesday. *****As of February 2nd, I have a Valentine’s. Yay me!***** Maybe I’ll fire up Netflix or pop in a DVD or blu-ray and watch some horror movies that night. Maybe if my friend isn’t working that night or acting brand new I can watch some with her.
I’m officially past sick and tired of this schizophrenic weather we’ve been having. We go from three inches of snow one day to almost 60° the next day and 50° the following day. I hate inconsistency in people and things. I’m looking at you Mother Nature. I’m sure this has something to do with my sinuses going haywire for the past couple of weeks.
I went to Red Robin and then saw The Grey on Friday. The freckled lemonade was kind of wack. They left all the strawberries in the bottom of the glass instead of throughout the drink. I slacked off on my movie going during the last half of 2011 but hopefully I can make up for that this year.
There hasn’t been any good memes around in… forever. Then again no one’s been around to create any.
I wonder if that punk ass groundhog will see his shadow tomorrow? It’s sad that I’m willing to give more credence to an animal’s weather prediction than the local weather people.
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so, yeah, that paragraph about your health will likely illicit a lot of discussion. I really hope that you a) get well soon and b) see a doctor really soon. I’m an advocate for knowing what the problem is, and then planning a course of action. like you said, hopefully it’s a small thing, and nothing major. real talk, that entire paragraph worries me, but I also recognize you have to make your own decisions.
One winter I was feeling bad… not awful, just not myself. it turned out that I had walking pneumonia and didn’t even know it. i’d gone to the doctor for something else, and they did a chest x-ray and that’s how it was discovered. i tell that story to say… go to the doctor!
this weather is definitely weird. JE and I went to get frozen yogurt today. we were both in short sleeves and I had on sandals. this time last year, we were bracing for a light snow. go figure…
You’re right but I really dislike doctors and how they always want you to come back. When I’m not feeling well I just want the current problem taken care of then I want to be done with you until the next time I’m not feeling well. They don’t seem to understand that. I might be willing to go a few times a year but that’s pretty much my limit. If it can’t be taken care of in that time frame then oh well. *shrugs*
It could definitely be something not related to what I’m afraid of. Still I dislike doctors and finding a good one that I like is very difficult. The fact that I have to do exactly that again when I move makes me want to turn off the lights and rock softly in a corner.
This weather sucks. It’s like 8 months of rain, a month of snow, and summer. I’m not liking it at all.
I understand what you mean about not liking doctors. I hadn’t seen doctors like I should because I don’t like and my health has suffered. I’m trying to get my shit together now, though. But, I guess hearing your blood pressure is near stroke levels will do that. anyway, enough about me. I’m sure you’ll make the best choice(s) for you.
After my current appointments are satisfied I think I’m done with doctors for awhile. Sick or not the only time I can and even want to deal with them is when I’m in a great deal of pain or damn near dying.