It’s funny looking back at those entries sometimes. I had a tumultuous/passionate love/hate thing going on with Mistress, who ended up becoming my girlfriend at the time. My first long distance relationship. I decided that year that I was going to be more blunt and open with people about things they did that displeased me. I also started to embrace and explore some of my kinks like BDSM. My mom lost her mind and dated the biggest loser ever! I wish I could scrub my brain and forget about his worthless ass. I can very particular with my words at times and oftentimes people don’t realize that I mean them as the most sincerest form of insult possible. I truly felt he was without worth and beneath my mother in pretty much every way imaginable. If dude was laying on the side of the road on fire and my bladder was painfully full, I wouldn’t even piss on his ass. Honestly, I don’t think I’m capable of liking any man my mom would love. She knows this and my sister knows it. Still, I’m not a complete monster. I wanted her to find some happiness and he seemed nice enough. Who am I to deny that? I have a critical eye, hell, some may say heart. I observe everything and everyone that may affect me and mine, even if I like you. I look for your weaknesses, flaws, masks, and anything you might be hiding from me, it’s my nature. Anything you don’t want to tell me is always what I’m going to go out of my way to dig up and expose. If you had just told me in the first place I probably would’ve found it somewhat unremarkable and moved on. Now imagine how I’d observe you if I don’t like you. Of course, I’ve had issues with males for most of my life and I can be possessive and territorial of anything or anyone I consider mine so I asked my sister to keep her eyes open. Once we were both on the same page that he was a loser, he didn’t stand a chance.
I was trying to mess with several chicks at the time. Only one of them, Ms. Black & Wild is still around. Seems like one of us always ends up dropping off the face of the Earth for awhile before finding our way back to each other. She says I can’t get rid of her. Maybe that’s the universe’s way of saying she’s meant to be in my life. Sometimes I wonder what a relationship between us would’ve been like but then I remember that we’re both kind of hoeish and I don’t think I could or would want to handle someone like me on a regular basis. What?! I acknowledge and embrace my hypocrisy. Not saying it couldn’t ever work but there’d have to be a lot of ground rules laid down from the get go and a leap of faith in the trust department. I’m running really low on that (trust) as of late. Well, even lower than usual.
Why not give June 19, 2002 some love? That’s when I started my second blog on DeadJournal. I knew Diaryland wasn’t cutting it for me and LiveJournal required invites so I tried their spinoff, DeadJournal. I figured I wanted more but my updates were sporadic and my heart wasn’t really into it. My grandfather and his brother died within six months of each other. I never really experienced the death of anyone I knew or cared about at an age where I could actually process what happened. It was a bad time. I was pretty much inconsolable and under a lot of stress. Everybody was pissing me off left and right some for trying to comfort me and some for being absent. Not fun. Built my first computer. I still have though I haven’t used it since last year. Guess I should finally invest in an external harddrive so I can copy my desktop’s info and trash it. I definitely want to cut down on some things before I move. Thinking about selling some stuff on eBay. Saw how someone on the Tonight Show just packed a prepaid shipping box with random stuff around his house to sell. Sounds like fun. I digress. There was also the end of my relationship with Mistress and problems with the new chick, Cluck-Cluck. One of my brother-in-law’s brothers was murdered.
Why not celebrate November 21, 2005? My Blogger debut! I decided having readers wasn’t enough, I wanted interaction, community, and a blog with features. I found my voice. I had been lurking some Michigan bloggers for a minute and knew this was the place for me. You read right, I was what I now hate, a filthy, disgusting bottom feeding lurker. With blogger came my hatred of lurkers. I got my first and only stalker on Blogger. I got to read and know some interesting people that I never would’ve thought of trying to know if not for our interactions. I even thought of some of them as friends and a couple of them were even male, go figure. Developed some crushes and for the first time most of them were mutual. Wrote my first meme. Channeled my anger into my most popular series of posts, Conversations with Dick & Fuck it Friday! Blogger used to be jumpin’, it got me out of the chat rooms which had no equal in fun to me at the time. I was introduced to most of my current and long-term readers on Blogger. In it’s heyday Blogger was a lot more entertaining than Twitter and Facebook combined. The community was active and being allowed to peek into someone’s life no matter how brief or inconsequential the peek was fun and special but alas, all good things must come to an end.
While I’m throwing out dates how about January 1, 2007? That’s when “the voices in my head” made way for Freakytopia. Well, actually I began the transition to a self-hosted blog in November of ’06 and gave a couple of people a sneak preview but the official opening was New Year’s Day 2007. I got tired of the limitations Blogger put on me and wanted more control over my blog so Freakytopia was born. I met Val, fell in love, and got my heart broken. Grandmother died. I fell out with a lot of people. Finally got to my 1,000th post! Facebook gained in popularity and a new upstart called Twitter came on the scene. Most of the people I enjoyed reading either jumped over to Facebook, Twitter, and/or Tumblr exclusively or are no longer blogging anymore. I miss how things were. I miss the community, the addictiveness, and the joy of getting a message notifying you of a new comment from a regular or even better a new reader. I miss looking at my stats and seeing that someone visiting my blog from a new state or country, now it’s usually a spammer or a bot. I don’t feel that community with Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. Everybody seems to be trying to be someone else on Twitter, Facebook is still mainly about the games & sweepstakes for me, and Tumblr well, I definitely don’t feel apart of anything there.
So where do I stand now? Beats me! *shrugs* I’ve always sort of marched to my own drummer regardless of what other people thought was popular so I guess I’ll go where the beat takes me. Maybe I’ll be the last blogger standing or maybe I won’t.