1. Release the Kraken!!!
2. Congratulations on your baby shower!
3. *Michael Jackson scream*
4. Hope you like your eggs fertilized.
5. I got something yummy for your tummy.
5ive hoeish thoughts I’ve had:
1. What about my girl?
2. I didn’t make any vows with her.
3. Hell no I won’t think any less of you if you suck my dick on the frist date. I don’t think shit of you as it is.
4. Hell no I won’t think any less of you if you suck my dick on the first date. I might like you more.
5. If she doesn’t have daddy issues then I can’t fuck with her.
5ive signs your son might be gay:
1. His panties are cuter than yours.
2. He has a YouTube channel full of twerk videos that he stars in.
3. He was a band major (doubly so if he was one at an HBCU). [My ex hated that joke but you know it’s true.]
4. He teaches people how to overcome their gag reflex.
5. Girls’ parents have no qualms about letting him sleep over and in the same room as their daughters.
5ive things I wish chicks quit doing in their pics on the Internet:
1. Cropping out their titties.
2. Duckface. (Nobody above the age of 14 should do that.)
3. Flipping the bird.
4. Using the flash when taking pictures in a mirror.
5. Never having any solo pics. (If I want a pic of your kids, mama, man, or whoever else I’ll ask.)
5ive things I wish they’d bring back:
1. Parachute/Hammer pants.
2. The phrase “Hooty Hoo!”
4. Trading Spaces
5. Flavor of Love