5ives – the fifth five, second set

5ive things I might say or do when I’m about to bust a nut:
1. Release the Kraken!!!
2. Congratulations on your baby shower!
3.  *Michael Jackson scream*
4.  Hope you like your eggs fertilized.
5.  I got something yummy for your tummy.

5ive hoeish thoughts I’ve had:
1.  What about my girl?
2.  I didn’t make any vows with her.
3.  Hell no I won’t think any less of you if you suck my dick on the frist date.  I don’t think shit of you as it is.
4.  Hell no I won’t think any less of you if you suck my dick on the first date.  I might like you more.
5.  If she doesn’t have daddy issues then I can’t fuck with her.

5ive signs your son might be gay:
1.  His panties are cuter than yours.
2.  He has a YouTube channel full of twerk videos that he stars in.
3.  He was a band major (doubly so if he was one at an HBCU).  [My ex hated that joke but you know it’s true.]
4.  He teaches people how to overcome their gag reflex.
5.  Girls’ parents have no qualms about letting him sleep over and in the same room as their daughters.

5ive things I wish chicks quit doing in their pics on the Internet:
1.  Cropping out their titties.
2.  Duckface.  (Nobody above the age of 14 should do that.)
3.  Flipping the bird.
4.  Using the flash when taking pictures in a mirror.
5.  Never having any solo pics.  (If I want a pic of your kids, mama, man, or whoever else I’ll ask.)

5ive things I wish they’d bring back:
1.  Parachute/Hammer pants.
2.  The phrase “Hooty Hoo!”
3.  Disco
4.  Trading Spaces
5.  Flavor of Love

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.