5ive names I’d consider if I had a band:
1. Black Market Butt Injections
2. Magical Mormon Underwear
3. The Faptastic Four
4. Taste the Rainbow, Bitches!
5. Skeet, Skeet, Skeet!
5ive Olympic athletes that can get it:
1. Allyson Felix
2. Misty May-Treanor
3. Lolo Jones
4. Jacqueline Carvalho
5. Jennifer Abel
5ive signs you’re in a bad restaurant:
1. Restaurant Makeover is filming there.
2. It’s lunch time and you’re the only person (people) there.
3. “Secret sauce” is really code for semen.
4. The hair in your food looks suspiciously like the pubic variety.
5. Roadkill may not be on the official menu but it’s definitely in the kitchen.
5ive texting pet peeves:
1. Delayed responses (especially when it’s time sensitive or important.)
2. Chain texts. (I’m not going to send that text to 10 people. If I die because of that then watch your back because my ghost will get you.)
3. One word responses.
5. People carrying on multiple conversations and sending me a reply meant for someone else. (Just sloppy yet you never send me a freaky pic meant for someone else, you tacky ass hoe.)
5ive favorite new shows so far this season:
1. Breaking Amish
3. American Horror Story: Asylum
4. Extreme Cheapskates