The Candy Crush man touches my peepee at night

Hard to believe summer is almost here (officially) and that tomorrow is June.  I’ve been out of Detroit for one year tomorrow.  Time certainly flies!

So I finally decided to ditch Time Warner cable.  It’s not a complete break since I still have them for Internet and I’ll probably keep the phone until I get an Ooma (http://www (been on my wishlist for awhile.)  It’s pretty much VOIP.  You hook it up to your modem or router and for the price of what you’d normally pay in taxes on your phone bill you can make all the free local and long distance calls you please.  They tried to pitch me how they were a great deal and how things would get more expensive if I broke up the bundle.  I just wish I could make a clean break from them altogether.  Unfortunately, Uverse isn’t available in my area which makes Time Warner high speed Internet the best option in town.   The funny thing is the account rep from Time Warner was throwing all kinds of shade about fees for the competition but didn’t even mention how much the fact that their prices would go up next month.  They didn’t even try to offer me a deal unless you count suggestions to get rid of the whole home DVR.  That’s a negative.  Honestly, I would’ve dropped them regardless unless they offered a spectacular deal to keep me.  They didn’t so, I’m going to give DirecTV a try.  I may have to adjust the package next year but I’m looking forward to the NFL Direct Ticket and seeing all of my out of market Detroit Lions’ games in 2013.  Woohoo!  

Seriously, I’ve had an easier time breaking up with girlfriends and ending friendships then getting rid of Time Warner.  No, I don’t want to work things out.  I want to fuck other people and by the way, it really is you, not me.  Shit they kept going into retention mode or something.  First it was the spiels and then it was what I know to be clearly wrong information about the competition’s prices all trying to get me to stay.  Word of advice, it’s a lot easier to keep me then it is to win me back.  If you really wanted to keep me then you should’ve offered me a great deal in the first place not something that gave me a couple more channels for $10 more or a few less channels for $10 less.  Fuck you Time Warner!  I got a new bitch now!  

I almost went with Dish just so I could get a free iPad.  The ability to watch my Lions trumped the iPad.  That and it was only an iPad 2.  Hey, I’m snob with my gadgets.  *shrugs*

The next door neighbors either moved out or got evicted.  I don’t know what happened.  I never saw a moving truck or anything so either they have no furniture or they left a lot of stuff behind.  Apparently the sheriff’s department came by with management and there’s an ominous “do not enter” sign posted in the kitchen window.  Can’t say that I’m going to miss hearing doors and windows slamming at all hours of the day and night and the sounds of unsupervised kids roughhousing.  Some people would say that’s the life of being a renter.  I say bullshit!   People need to be thoughtful and considerate of neighbors when you share a wall or live above or below someone or they need to get the fuck out!  Hopefully, my next neighbor won’t have a bunch of nigglets or otherwise be annoying little hoodrats.

My sister’s car got stolen.  She just leased it and hadn’t even made the first payment on it.  I think they took the radio, her bluetooth headset, and the wheels.  I bet she wishes she moved down here instead of with her friend in Detroit.  Hopefully, she finds a new insurance agent since hers couldn’t bother to answer the phone and proved less than helpful during the incident.  I wonder how that will affect her plans to visit sometime this summer.  She’s supposed to bring one of her yummy friends with her so I’m looking forward to it.  What?  It’s my duty and prerogative to flirt with her friends.  It’s in the brother’s handbook.

I have a milestone birthday this year.  Can’t really say that I’m looking forward to it.  I still kind of want to do something crazy like maybe get a tattoo or marry some drunken stranger in Vegas (and get it annulled).  I’m serious.  I’ll probably end up doing neither which to me would be the most disappointing thing ever.

I haven’t been to the movies in forever so I was glad to see a screening of Fast and Furious 6.  It kind of sucked that my “date” couldn’t stay to see the whole movie.  It was her first screening.  Now if I can get some screening passes for Man of Steel, Pacific Rim, and The Wolverine then I’d be golden.  I have so many movies I need to catch up on and even more that I’m waiting to see.  Maybe I’ll do a double or triple feature at the dollar show sometime next month in addition to some first run joints.  

My mom made me feel bad by asking Val if she’d take her to K-Mart.  Among other things I make her feel bad when I take her places and wait in my truck.  I’ll take her anywhere she wants or need to go but we shop differently.  Unless I’m bored or it’s my very first time shopping at the brand then there is little to no reason for me to wander up and down every single aisle…twice!  She knows that I find shopping with and for women to be a special level of hell designed to torture and eventually break me.  Furthermore, if I’m not shopping for myself or getting something out of it I really have no interest in shopping.  So I chill out in Pussy and listen to music, tweet, Facebook, play games, text, and look at random loose booty hoes to fantasize running up in.   My seats are comfy and I don’t see why I need to be bored and irritated following her around the store.  Am I missing something?  

I must be a masochist because I keep torturing myself with Candy Crush Saga.  I think I have a problem that will eventually lead to an intervention and me telling people about themselves before running out the door and crying like a little bitch.  Don’t judge me!  

I love this commercial.   The little black girl makes me laugh every time.  


Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.