Nekkid and scurred

Oh I’m not easily offended by the sight of naked buttocks.  I’m more offended by the word buttocks but let me lotion up and I can stroke away any hard feelings.  See what I did there?  Would you like to?  Nasty ass!  Holla at me.  Anyway, I have to admit I’m kind of disappointed with the summer TV offerings this year.  For starters it occurred too soon after the spring finales.  I like the several weeks or the month I get after the finales to wind down, maybe catch up on other things like books or movies, and then wait for the summer shows.  This year the networks were pretty much like fuck a break!  Most of my summer shows I’ve been following for awhile like Royal Pains, Covert Affairs, Ice Road Truckers, and Deadliest Catch.  I will admit that I’m starting to get into Suits.  Between USA, History, and Discovery they have a stranglehold on my must see summer shows.   I’m not even going to lie I’m geeked as hell about Shark Week coming up in August.  I hope they come better than last year because last year’s Shark Week was kind of wack!  The new summer show I’ve become a fan of is none other than Discovery Channel’s Naked and Afraid.  Don’t laugh.  I thought they literally jumped the shark and ran out of ideas when I started seeing the previews for it but it’s grown on me.

The premise is simple enough, each week two strangers, one male and one female are dropped off in the middle of nowhere bucky ass nekkid.  Yeah, I said bucky ass nekkid!  No food, no water, and no clothes.  Don’t get too excited because they blur out most of the good bits, fortunately for me I’m an ass man they don’t blur out dat ass!  They’re allowed one item each to help survive three weeks alone (with each other, producers, and a camera crew) in a different remote location and they each get a personal video camera for diary footage.  For example, last week the woman brought along a machete and the man brought goggles.  They meet for the first time on the island, get their survival item, and figure out a plan of action.  This usually involves looking at a crude map that could’ve been drawn by an 8 year old revealing their extraction point; which is usually somewhere kind of inconvenient.  

The rest of the show, based on the episodes I’ve seen, usually goes from smiles and platitudes to bitching and whining.  Seems like the guy gets injured doing something stupid and the woman feels overwhelmed having to shoulder most of the work.  Sometimes the woman gets injured but it’s usually the guy.  Of course this all seems to even out when that time of the month occurs and the already weak, from lack of food and water, woman gets debilitating cramps.  The women seem to come off well while the men go from macho to whiny, passive aggressive, little he-bitches.  I’d like to see some non-White participants and some men who actually know what they’re doing and don’t get hurt during the first two or three days.  I’d also suggest they throw in some sex.  I mean come on, you’re scared, I’m scared, we’re “alone”, hungry, thirsty, and freezing or roasting (depending on the time of day) why not let me stick the tip in?   Given the situation why wouldn’t they be down to fuck?  

Have you seen Naked and Afraid?  What do you think?

 

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.