Fuck Lil Kim’s social support system! How the fuck you let her do that to her face? Why does her plastic surgeon keep taking her money and let Kim fuck herself up like that? Has she not had a reality check when approaching someone’s kid and have the kid recoil, cry, and flee in terror?
Fuck these whiny ass natural hair hoes! If hair isn’t or shouldn’t be such a big deal then why the fuck do you keep going on and on and on and on about it? Not only that when did that shit become some sort of personal journey of self-discovery and a philosophy? Seriously, you’re no better than the creamy crack chicks but for some reason you act like you are. Hey, it’s your hair and you have the right to do with it whatever the fuck you please. If you like walking around looking like you have a dirty ass Q-tip on your scalp or have a 5 foot train of locs dragging on the ground behind you then that’s your business. However, telling anyone they’re filled with racial self-hatred and loathing because they think your choice of hair texture and style looks like something a homeless midget might want to sleep in then you ma’am need to sit yo’ ass down and have a big steaming cup of “shut the fuck up!” You’re the ones full of self-hatred and loathing if you think chopping off your hair, starting over, and finding a bunch of thirsty ass co-signers changes that then please, take two middle fingers and call me in the morning!
Fuck Duke Energy specifically and power outages in general!
Fuck Sprint’s janky ass coverage in said power outage! Did the lightning knock out every 4G tower in the area because while I’ve been getting decent coverage inside for once it went back to being the same old piece of shit service I’ve complaining about forever. *sigh* Glad I didn’t need to call the police or E.M.S. because this week’s Fuck it Friday! post would be written by my damn ghost!
Fuck the creepy dude who liked all my pictures on Instagram! Now I know how all those slutty big booty bitches I follow must feel. No wait, it’s astoundingly obvious why I like those pictures. Hell, even 3/4 of you chicks claiming to be straight but fishing for compliments from other hoes and leaving suspect comments to them can appreciate those thick, juicy booties in skimpy little panties, leggings, etc. I think most of you fap to those pics and videos just like the dudes but I digress. The pictures I posted were pretty random so I don’t understand why some strange dude would like every.single.picture. It’s just makes me uncomfortable, like when the Candy Crush man asks me, “Will you top my boi pussy?”
Fuck all the damn memes and words on Instagram! I’ve seen some accounts that look like back up photo storage for MySpace circa 2004 with all that shit some people post. I follow you because I want to stick my dick inside of you or at the very least rub my dick and skeet to some proxy of you not because of your intelligence or rapier wit (which, lets be honest probably isn’t all that great or interesting in the first place since you’re showing your ass & titties all over the Internet). Less words, more lingerie clad manifestations of your daddy issues!
Fuck inconsiderate Candy Crush players! How the fuck don’t you see my ticket request when you’re accepting the free moves or lives I send you? All you have to do is click a box and press send. I know you know how to do that based on the half dozen requests for lives you send me every goddamn day!
Fuck a war! We’re going to war again, this time with Syria because they allegedly gassed civilians. Look if it really happened as they said it did then it’s terrible but you want to know something? I still don’t give a fuck! Why the fuck should we do anything over there and they don’t even like us? Seems like all we ever do is go to some foreign, unfriendly country, upgrade their soldiers and weapons and then maybe 10 or 20 years later guess who’s blowing us up? Yep, the very same people. How is treating your citizen’s badly even a reason to go to war? Oh I’m serious because governments in at least a half dozen countries in Africa have been doing horrible things to Black women and children for decades and we haven’t felt a “patriotic” duty to bring democracy to them, right their wrongs, and stop the atrocities. Hell, why don’t they go to war with some of these racist fuckholes in the good old U.S.A.? Oh wait that would be too much like right to clean your own house first.
Fuck Hispanics and other non Blacks being so comfortable with using the word nigger! You look whiter than Casper the friendly fucking ghost so why do you think you can use it? Show me your fucking papers! Show me some pictures of your parents while we’re at it. If at least one is Negroid then you can use nig or ger but your mutt ass can’t have the whole word. Some people actually have the unmitigated fucking gall to debate if “cracker” is a bad as the “n-word”. Take a deep breath Freaky. *inhales* If you’re uncomfortable enough to have to abbreviate one word to make it slightly less offensive *coughs* the n-word *coughs then it’s more offensive you ignorant assclowns! Hell, most White people I’ve asked about the meaning of cracker honestly didn’t know the meaning. Most Blacks I’ve asked were wrong about it’s meaning as well. Please stop debating, it’s not even close.
Fuck Labor Day weekend marathons and programming! Every year it’s hours and hours of the same day shows. Can’t you show some different episodes or series? Another thing that annoys me is when shows skip new episodes the Thursday or Friday before Labor Day. I can see doing it for actual Labor Day or even on the Saturday and Sunday preceding it, but the other days? Seems like more of an instance of lazy scheduling than anything else.
Fuck people eating up my Marshmallow Krispies cereal all willy nilly! I was looking forward to smashing a bowl or two only to find the box gone and discarded in the trash. Even though I wanted to snap, crackle, and pop her coochie with my own special formula of vitamin D some things should just be sacred and respected as being for my tummy only like coffee ice cream, blood orange sherbet, apple cider slushies, honey sticks, etc. At the very least you could offer to let me get in your box before you go into my box (of cereal). What?! That sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
Fuck season six of True Blood! I didn’t like all the changes Alan Bell made from the book but most of them at least grew on me and made some sort of sense. Since he left what do we get? Extended vampire incarcerations, faery/vampire hybrids, and emo Billith. Can’t say I’m too surprised that next year’s season seven will be the last season of True Blood.
Fuck Boston Mayor Tom
Benzino Menino! This asshole said he’d like to visit Detroit so he could blow it up and start over. For real? I hope a suicide bomber gives you a bearhug at the next Boston Marathon you funny sounding cahksucka! No wait, that would make him a martyr so I hope a mud donkey looking bitch fucks you up the ass with a strap-on made of c4 you ignorant ass fuck boy! Suck fried syphilitic dick!
Fuck fast food employees protesting to increase their wages to $15 an hour! Fast food is not a fucking career unless you’re an owner or possibly a manager. Burger King isn’t meant to be a forever job. Bone’Quisha is not getting a gold watch no matter how many years she worked on the deep fryer after retiring. That’s just how it is. Slinging chickens at KFC wasn’t intended to take care of rent, car note, you, and your three kids. The whole industry should be seen as a temporary stop not your final destination.
Fuck Android’s Facebook app! Why the hell do you ignore my requests for my news feed to show the most recent posts first instead of the top stories first? I mean every single time I have to waste a couple of seconds doing that because you think I give a fuck about whatever it is you think I should give a fuck about. Newsflash, I don’t!
Fuck lizards! I’m tired of seeing those creepy little bastards in my living room. This ain’t the lizard embassy! Why won’t Obama declare war on them? Do I need to start killing you motherfuckers and hanging the carcasses on the patio door to warn you to stay your asses outside?
Fuck developers who seem to make games and apps for Android as an afterthought! Everybody doesn’t have or want an Apple device nor do we want to wait forever and a day for your sloppy ass porting. You could always release the Android version first or here’s a silly idea, why not release them across platforms at the same damn time Sherlock?!
Fuck businesses in Michigan that still send me offers as if I lived down the street and around the corner from them! Surely, you noticed the out of state address that I didn’t bother giving you, by the way. I’m not making an 11 hour + drive to do business with someone not smart enough to know I’m not local.
Fuck hair growing where you don’t need it and not growing where you want it!
Fuck people holding you hostage by talking to you when you’re trying to do something or go somewhere else! You didn’t notice the headphones I’m wearing? How about the fact that I was in the process of leaving the room and walking out the door? I’m guessing all this shit I’m caring means absolutely nothing to you, huh? Oh don’t mind the hernia I’m getting please continue with your captivating small talk about TV shows you know I don’t watch!
Fuck your weekend! Fuck the rest of your summer! Fuck all the little kids going back to school! All you little bastards need to be in a year round program so you can annoy people paid to deal with your no home training, remedial math, and hooked on phonics needing asses! Pass me whatever Judge Joe Brown is drinking! I’m out this piece!