Fuck the weather! I’m tired of the damn mood swings. One day it’s a record low temperature and then by the weekend they’re talking 70°. If it’s going to be cold then please can I get some snow?! I’m tired of this fucking rain! I didn’t know I moved to Seattle, hell, even they get snow.
Fuck the Detroit Lions for even bothering to interview with coaches that got fired from their teams this season! How the fuck you going to be a winner by hiring fucking losers?! Hello, they got fired for losing!
Fuck all of these March Madness upsets fucking up my brackets! Yeah, I’m talking about you Mercer, NDSU, Dayton, and Harvard! Fuck me for not picking Harvard like I first thought to.
Fuck Candy Crush Saga level 421! I don’t know what the fuck those tornado things are but I hate them and when I rule hell there will be a special place for that asshole! Sadistic bastard!
Fuck Pharrell’s Happy! It was straight and cute when I saw Despicable Me 2 but after hearing it for the 1300th time today and the millionth time since the movie this songs makes me anything but happy. Seriously I can see myself snapping and strangling a motherfucker the next time I hear that damn song! Fuck Pharrell! Fuck that big ass Arby’s hat that nigga wears that’s too big even for my big ass head! Fuck you in the throat with something large enough to unhinge your jaw if you even thought about inflicting that song on me in any form or fashion after knowing this.
Fuck the people next door! Why the fuck can’t you tell the bitch that drops you off to park correctly and in a different space other than the one in front of my place? Your man takes up two spaces with his vehicles and rather than parking in any of the empty spaces to the left of you or the right of me some simple Simon, window licking, fucktard, assclowns always wants to park in my spots! If that’s not bad enough then your kids and whoever the fuck they play with wants to play in the street, in my space. It’s my space! What part of that don’t you ESL and hoodrats understand?
Fuck everybody who used to blog and/or comment but don’t anymore! Especially fuck the ones using feed readers, thanks for nothing!
Fuck networks for scheduling so many shows on the same day and/or time! Can’t keep anything decent on because nobody is watching and nobody is watching because so much stuff is on at the same time you can’t even DVR everything. For the love of my left nut please stop with those damn add-on times. There’s no fucking reason your show needs to end at 10:01 pm or 10:37 pm other than you’re hoping to fuck up my recordings or stop me from watching something else by making me miss the beginning of it. Stop that shit!
Fuck this dog thinking my room is hers! Do I get a tail wag or a hello when I open my door? Nope! She just rushes past me and jumps on my bed. Hell it might as well be her bed because she acts like it is. Damn bed hog! Quit howling at me when you need to go potty! Can you unlock the front door? No? Then I guess a bitch has to wait until I’m at least dressed then! Until then shaddap!
Fuck nobody still being able to find Malaysia Airlines flight 370! Is Malaysia that damn inept or are they hiding something?
Fuck network TV and all the damn breaks! How the fuck does your series come back from a two or three week break for one episode and then go on another two week break?! No wonder this fucking season seems so damn long! Just run all new episodes up until the finale and be done with it already!
Fuck the current season of The Walking Dead! Splitting up the group for so long and the tortuously slow pacing for the second half of the season is killing me. Now the finale is coming up and there is so much that needs to be explained and happen that you’re not going to have a choice but to have a cliffhanger and piss us off by dragging the remains of this slow ass season into the next season. For the love of whatever deity you may believe in please pick up the pace next season, increase the action, and don’t break up the group ever again!
Fuck “student athletes” getting the keys to the kingdom and a lot of those physically gifted fuckboys are mentally deficient! New rule, you can’t sign an NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, or any other professional sports contract unless you can READ that son of a bitch without sounding like a 3rd grader using hooked on phonics in a remedial language arts class! Can’t even spell half of the shit you’re going to blow your signing bonus on and wonder why you got fucked out of your money by your manager, agent, personal assistant, and anyone else that has access to you and can read you The Cat in the Hat is too fucking complicated ass motherfucker!
Fuck green smoothies! How the fuck you want me to drink something that looks like you took a violent, bubble guts induced shit in the blender? Furthermore, why the fuck would you post a picture of it? It looks like green diarrhea. It always looks like green diarrhea! If it tastes like it looks I’d sooner drop my pants and agree to get anally violated by the cast of Veggie Tales before I drink it. I’m straight, please get the fuck on with that!
Fuck companies that just don’t get it! Look if I have a problem with something on your website I don’t want to call you to speak about it. I feel the same way about a problem I’m discussing with you on the phone. If I wanted to handle it on the web then I would’ve done that in the first place! I was nice enough to tell you about the problem, if you aren’t offering me any sort of consideration then it’s not my job to troubleshoot and help you fix your site. How the fuck are you going to argue and tell me I’m wrong? I’m trying to give you money! If you don’t want it I’ll keep it, buy a few rolls of pennies and make what could’ve been your money sprinkle on some over glittered, body spray wearing trollop at the titty bar!
Fuck Yahoo always making me enter my password when I want to check emails on my computer! I don’t have to do it on my phone so why even bother trying on my computer? Like I want to look up the password every time some random company sends me an email? I think not!
Fuck all the Christian themed movies that either came out or are coming out soon! I don’t want to watch that bullshit! Hopefully the trailers end after Easter’s late ass finally makes an appearance.
Fuck Wrestlemania being on at the same time as the season premiere of Game of Thrones! The WWE Network better be ready for all the people streaming it and have some contingencies to prevent it from crashing! Wrestlemania was the main reason I ordered the network and based on the storylines going in I’m not even all that hyped about it.
Fuck coy answers! I seriously fucking hate chicks acting coy! It’s not even remotely cute or endearing! That shit is cheap, lame, annoying, and flat out disappointing. It kills my mental buzz like a murdered bumblebee not to mention my erection. Quit playing games and come play with my dick!
Fuck Time Warner and Comcast wanting to merge! The two worst cable companies in existence now want to become the worst company in the world? I hope that’s not allowed to happen. I’m just crossing my fingers and hoping we get in on the next round of Google Fiber expansions. If anyone with fiber comes here with a decent price I might send Time Warner a picture of my dick with my cancellation notice and tell them to suck it long and hard until the ooey gooey cream spurts out!