Turn your head and cough

I always thought the first time an Asian chick touched my balls it would be after receiving a Nuru massage (http://www NULL.xvideos NULL.com/tags/nuru-massage) with a happy ending. Google it or just click on the above line but wait until you get home because it’s NSFW and I’m not responsible if your curious ass gets fired.  You’re welcome by the way!  Like many things in life that didn’t work out as planned. Tuesday afternoon I had a physical.  I thought I was going to get hooked up to an EKG machine, run on a treadmill, get my reflexes checked, and stuff like that.  Apparently, I was due for the “other” physical.  My primary care physician who just so happens to be an Asian woman told me that I was going to need to come out of those pesky clothes and pose in my birthday suit for her and a co-worker. Ok, she didn’t use those exact words but that was pretty much the exact sentiment. 

I was caught off guard and I hate being caught off guard.  Had I known this more intimate physical was about to go down I would have showered immediately before, did some manscaping, and made sure Dick was looking his strapping and perverted best. No, I wasn’t funky like a monkey or anything but I wasn’t prepared to be on display like that.  Even when I take a rare dick pic I like to prepare and post in the best possible light.  The first picture is almost never the one I actually share and if after a certain amount of pics I’m still not feeling it then the intended recipient is just out of luck that night and has to wait another time. Now I’m pretty much doing it live and <Kevin Hart voice> I wasn’t ready! </Kevin Hart voice> That was bad enough but then I was told that a nurse would also be there and that I had to give my consent before my awkwardness could be doubled. *sigh*  

The only Only ONLY saving grace is that there was no prostate exam involved. I’d look like a big ass grape now because my skin would be waterlogged with all the time I spent taking my dramatic rape shower trying to wash the event away. The good news is I don’t have breast cancer, testicular cancer, skin cancer, tongue cancer, a hernia, or HIV. Yay me! The really good news is I don’t have to experience that awkwardness again for at least another year. Yippee skippy!  Yeah, I know it’s probably worse for her having to grope random strangers once a year but in all fairness if I was paid what she gets I’d be willing to “examine” some random strange and more. Don’t judge me!

They neglected to tell me that they wanted to do some fasting lab work that day too. If I hadn’t had that piece of cake I still could’ve gotten that out of the way. Based on an interview I set off several flags for depression and my P.C.P. wanted me to talk to a social worker after the physical. I got asked all the standard questions like have you experience a loss of enjoyment in things you normally like doing, do you have trouble concentrating, trouble sleeping, and etc. She seemed nice but I’m not really trying to medicate and I don’t like talking so seeing someone is kind of a pointless exercise in frustration. Maybe in the future, maybe not.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.