Liar, liar

I’m ready to replace my laptop, tablet, and bed.  Since the bed is the most expensive item that’s probably going to be the last one.  All I know is that whatever bed I get I’m going to eventually want the adjustable base so I can lift my upper and lower body by remote.  Last time I checked those cost as much as or more than the actual mattress themselves.  My laptop is I don’t how many years old but it’s slower than an old lady in line at the grocery store on the 3rd of the month paying by check.  The only thing I’ve decided is that my next laptop has to be a touchscreen and may very likely be purple.  I’m not sure if I want to go down to a 15.6 inch screen though.  My next tablet will most definitely not be a Kindle Fire.  I have the 1st generation one and they pretty much said fuck you very much with their lack of updates.  I just wish I could find someone to buy it.  I’m probably going to get an Android tablet because I just don’t like iOS.  I might consider a Windows tablet though too.  I’ve seen some nice looking and affordable ones.

Up until we were probably in our early 20s my mom used to get us Easter baskets.  She’d fill it with out favorite candies, trinkets, and sometimes other stuff.  I miss getting them.  Me want candy!  Lots and lots of candy.  My sister got an Easter basket yesterday.  She also got liquor.  I was a bit envious.  Me want liquor.

I keep telling myself that I’m going to start buying alcohol and slowly build up a little bar.  There’s a dude on YouTube called the Tipsy Bartender who posts some awesome looking drinks.  Unfortunately, a lot of the stuff he posts lately seems to require that you have a full commercial bar set up with all the different stuff you need to make the drink.  Sometimes, I miss knowing crackheads.  They could get you damn near anything for cheap as long as you don’t ask questions about how they got it.

I tease Val about one of her hobbies because my mind can pretty much pervert anything.  Part of me really wants to get into cosplay but I don’t have a clue where or how to start off hand.  At this point I’m not serious enough about it to start researching but the idea has gestating in the back of my mind for a minute now.  

I hope Wisconsin curb stomps a mud hole in Duke.

My printer is irritating the fuck out of me.  It’s one of those units where the ink has chips that the computer uses to determine how much ink you have.  There are two problems with that.  One, say you run out of yellow ink but you still have plenty of black, magenta, and cyan ink the printer won’t print until you replace the yellow ink.  Never mind the fact that you’re just trying to print a page of text that only needs black ink or something else that doesn’t require yellow or any component of yellow, you’re still shit out of luck until you replace that yellow ink cartridge.  The other problem is that said chips lies like a black out drunk sorority girl on a rug.  

I turn on the printer to check my ink levels.  It tells me that yellow is completely depleted and the rest of my ink is low but enough to print what I need printed when I replace the yellow ink.  Cool.  I go to an office supply store and pick up the yellow ink and run some errands.  When I get back I replace the yellow ink.  Pull up the file I need printed from my smartphone and wait and wait and wait.  The printer is beepin’, boppin’, bloopin’, and shaking like it’s having a grand Mal seizure or something (that’s how it always acts on the cheap table it’s on).  I figure that since it hasn’t printed anything in a minute and I just added a new cartridge it has to go through a set up routine.  After a few minutes I’m annoyed that it still hasn’t printed anything at all let alone the one damn thing I want it to.  So I check the printer and now it says that my cyan and magenta cartridges are out too and need to be replaced before it can print the page I need it to.  Son of a bitch!  Are you kidding me?!  I literally started pacing and had to walk out of the bedroom lest I flip that machine over and take it to suplex city like I was a dirty looking homo thug in a rose shirt at a Plies concert.  After I cool off, I tell my mom about the irksome printer and do you know what she tells me to do?  Shake the cartridge?  She said they used to do it at her job and the printer would start working again.  That might work with toner for a laser printer but not regular ink cartridges.

I ordered a cyan and magenta cartridges online because that’s where I found them cheapest and I don’t need them right this minute.  I could have just left it at that but because I know my printer is a lying asshole I figured I’d get the black too.  Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice and I’ll break a distance record for how far I throw you out of the front door.  The good thing is that the ink should be here by Wednesday at the latest and I can print that stupid file and finally start seeing advance screenings of movies since I’ll be able to print the passes again.  Hopefully, I can get into an Avengers: Age of Ultron screening. 

The Daredevil series is finally coming to Netflix on Friday.  Guess who’ll be binge watching it this weekend?  

I’m also looking forward to Game of Thrones premiering this Sunday, which may just be the best series on TV.  I’m saying this even acknowledging my love for The Walking Dead.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.