Feelings

Feeling much better, I think.  Well, physically anyway.  Still don’t quite feel 100% but compared to how I was feeling I’ll take it.  I’m almost done with the temporary medications they gave me.  Woohoo!  Now mentally, I fell kind of meh and blah.  I still can’t say I feel like dealing with or being around anyone mentally for more than an hour or two.  Recluse mode activated!  The dog is even getting on my nerves wanting attention from me.  I just either don’t have it in me to give at the moment or I just don’t feel like doing so.  It also doesn’t help when I finally feel like nurturing my creativity and after being ignored for most of the day now she wants my undivided attention… NOW.  Nope, I’ll get to you when I get to you.

I kind of feel that way about people lately too.  Why is it when I’m bored out of my mind, lonely, or just want to connect everybody is busy but when I find something or make plans to combat said boredom or loneliness than people want my attention immediately?  It’s weird but part of me wants to be left alone and not left alone at the same time.  It makes perfect sense to me but I’m aware that to most people it doesn’t. *shrug*

I was kind of shocked and a little disappointed upon hearing a friend’s view on gay marriage. Almost said fuck it and deleted my Facebook profile for good.  I don’t think much of most people outside of them being assholes in general and as a whole but I don’t understand how one can be against basic equality, compassion, safe state of mind, and just decency.  Quoting the bible has never been and will never be a legitimate, acceptable answer to any question I have outside of “what does the bible say…?” People love to cherry pick what they preach until you bring up Leviticus , which I think could be renamed the Atheist’s Guide to Trolling Christian’s Hypocrisy.  Far be it from me to try to force anyone to like what they don’t like but how come we can’t just live and let live more?  Seriously, you don’t mind that gay choir leader or the down low preacher until they want to love someone and create a union with someone with the same basic rights and protections as you?

Is it unreasonable to not want company or sex when you’re sick?  I don’t know how many times I had to say I don’t feel well. She knew I was under the weather and had the shoes been reversed I’d give her some space.  I wouldn’t send texts hounding her about if she’s feeling better (a.k.a. ready to fuck).  Damn it I’m not a machine!  Did I say that? *checks forehead*  I just wish she’d put a little more thought in how she says things to me sometimes.  Think I’m going to take a raincheck.  She needs to cool off a little and I need to be in a better head space.

I always feel a little out of the loop when my mom mentions something that happened to someone I know or something they said like it’s common knowledge.  My first response is always like whoa, hold on!  When did that happen?  Then my next response is how and why would I know any of this?  You know we don’t talk like that.  I wish someone would just gather all of the juicier tidbits and call or email me the weekly digest version.  Finding out about serious illnesses,  and people getting out of jail that I didn’t even know were in jailor what for makes me feel out of touch. 

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.