Mental stress

So there was yet another medical emergency with my mom.  She hadn’t been feeling well for a few days.  After feeling under the weather for several days, out of the blue she tells me to take her to urgent care.  She says she’s dehydrated and needs an IV.  So I’m waiting out in the car being baked alive in the sun when she texts me telling me I need to come in. I go in and my mom is fighting tears.  Under most circumstance I hate seeing women cry.  I absolutely can’t stand to see my mom in tears.  The nurse or physician’s assistant or whoever tells me what the deal is and it doesn’t sound good.  She tells me that my mom needs to go to a hospital immediately.  Her exact words was don’t stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200 go straight to the hospital.  My mom doesn’t want to take an ambulance because they’re expensive as fuck.  There’s a program in the county I live in that basically guarantees you that any ambulance rides cost you nothing if you sign up for a yearly program and pay a small fee.  She didn’t think it was necessary since she hasn’t been in an ambulance since she was like 17.  We’ll definitely be signing up for it this year when they mail out the letter in the next month or two.

Now there’s a hospital with a trauma center a few miles down the street.  Fortunately, we live in a city and region with plenty of top notch hospitals in the area.  With that said, can someone please explain why my mom told the urgent care people that she’d be going to a hospital on the other side of town?  Seriously?  My mom said that the staff couldn’t give any recommendations for the best place to go.  Why the fuck not?  You can give medical advice about everything else?  I’m seriously irked at this point because it takes me 20 minutes to get to this hospital on a good day with favorable traffic.  Now it seemed like every Sunday driver wanted to impede my drive.  She also wanted me to stop at home and pick up a phone charger.  Did you not hear what the lady at urgent care said?  We’re not stopping, no ma’am!  I honestly don’t know how long it took me to get to the hospital. My mom claimed it was five minutes and that I was weaving through traffic like the Flash.  I don’t think I went above 80 m.p.h. so I don’t think it was that bad.

I hate hospitals!  Everything about them just gives me a bad vibe.  One of my biggest fears is that one day I’m going to take my mom to the hospital and leave without her because she’ll be dead.  Every single time I’m at the hospital that thought goes through my mind and everything inside me just screams to get out of there as soon as possible before the worst case scenario actually happens.  I also have a fear of getting sick and dying in a hospital.  It’s funny because I’ve been pretty sure of how I was going to die for years.  It doesn’t involve being in a hospital.  Anyway, the only bright light was that I texted Val while I was at urgent care and told her that I was stressed out and on the verge of completely losing it.  She told me she’d be there as soon as she could.  She stayed with me as long as I was there.  The first thing Val did was give me a hug and asked me how I was.  I’ve been better was the reply I muttered.  My mother told her that I didn’t cry unlike her but I probably wouldn’t until I was in the privacy of my own home.  The first time she was hospitalized for the same problem, I lost it.  I literally snotted up and lost it. My sister walked out of the room because she was trying not to lose it too.  I was so worried about her I made myself sick.  The iceman melteth and it was pretty.

I didn’t really calm down until Val explained to me that even in the worst case scenario she probably wasn’t in danger of dying. Quality of life might be sucky but it wouldn’t kill her.  It appealed to my logical side and gave me some hope.  I really appreciated Val being there for me.  It made me feel that someone outside of my mother actually cares and gives a damn about me. People like to proclaim how much they care but I honestly don’t feel it in their actions or their words.  If I dropped dead tomorrow I’m only sure that two (maybe three) people and my dog would actually care and miss me.  I honestly have my doubts about everyone else but I’d be dead so I probably wouldn’t miss them either.

A day or two later my mom was improving and the fear gradually went away.  She ended up being in the hospital for four days and was released yesterday.  My sister is in town and now my mom has all her kids and her grand doggy with her.  I need a drink, make that several, and some sleep.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.