Fuck it Friday! – #87 – Fuck the sun!

Time really flies. The last Fuck it Friday post was almost a year and half ago on February 20, 2015. I did my first Fuck it Friday post over six years ago on June 23, 2006 and 86 entries later here I am! 

Well, since it’s been awhile let me start off with the general disclaimer for FiF! Fuck it Friday is a spotlight rant post where I give special attention to the people, places, and things that have annoyed me, pissed me the fuck off, or otherwise deserve the one finger salute!  This post contains a lot of profanity. If that’s offensive to you then get your sensitive, finger in the booty ass out of here because I cuss a lot in general and your little feelings might get hurt! At times my rants may be misogynistic, racist, elitist, blasphemous, mean spirited, arrogant, seething with sarcasm, and pretty much piss in the face of what you believe and your sensibilities. Deal with it or get the fuck on! As is everything else in my blog this post is written from my perspective, my reality. If anything I say hits a bit too close to home for you then fuck you! It’s your problem not mine. Disagree all you want but save your breath if you want to change how I feel. Now with that out of the way read on.

Fuck it being cloudy as long as I stay my ass indoors but within a minute of me going outside the sun comes out to bully me! Fuck this trucker’s tan I have going on! Fuck tans in general! Why the fuck do I have to slather myself in stanky ass chemicals and shit to prevent getting darker?! I’m a Black man in the South, don’t I have enough problems as it is without the sun slow cooking my ass every time I have to go out?! Bitch ass sun!

Fuck this medical supply company sending me an email after almost a week to tell me their site had technical difficulties and that my order had been canceled! Thankfully, I don’t need that stuff immediately because I’d be shit out of luck, huh? It’s too early to deal with organizational ineptitude! Why have a website where one should be able to place orders without having to interact with another human if you’re not going to place the order without calling me first? We’re not friends and I don’t want to speak with you. What part of I don’t even remotely like talking to strangers on the phone for any reason don’t you seem to understand?

Fuck the constant stream of emails! As I sit here trying to type out Fuck it Friday, my phone goes off every couple of minutes with yet another email about nothing! Check out these new shirts and buy one! No thanks! Look at the new Star Wars trailer! Um, I saw that shit yesterday but thanks for being late. Hey, check out these movies! Got bills to pay so, I can’t! Thanks for reminding me that I’m broke though asshole! I also hate it when I wake up to a bunch of emails and see that they were sent out at 3 or 4 in the morning. Really? You can’t batch send your company’s emails to go out at 8 am or something? Without the Do Not Disturb feature that would be annoying as fuck as opposed to being annoying as hell!

Fuck Periscope broadcasters! Why do you simple-minded, short bus riding, motherfuckers have to change the title of your broadcast every two or three minutes? Furthermore, why does Periscope have to notify me every time this happens like it’s a new broadcast?

Fuck bitches on any and every social media site that record videos where they make goofy ass faces and don’t say Jack shit!  What’s the point?! If you’re not going to say anything then there’s this thing called take a fucking picture you nitwit disappointment of your deadbeat daddy’s dick spit! Fuck!

Fuck women with septum piercings! Why is that nasty looking shit even a thing? I can’t take you seriously when I’m looking at you and either want to use your piercing as a door knocker or rip that shit right out of your nose! Either way it’s fucking hideous and no one one looks hot with one in their nose! You look fucking retarded!

Fuck everybody and their mama using the same two Snapchat filters (the flower/hippie tiara one and the dog ears/nose/tongue one)! They need to put in a bukkake filter because all I see is at least a half dozen random niggas nutting on your face every damn time I see a chick use one of those filters like it’s cute or original.

Fuck the Olympics! I’m tired of hearing about and seeing Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, and Gabby Douglas! I’m over it! I’m tired of swimming and gymnastics getting the prime time slots and the news from the same network spoiling the details! Why the fuck should I even watch it! Women’s volleyball and beach volleyball should get those prime time network sports!

Fuck Facebook forcing you to get another app to send and respond to messages! I don’t give a fuck what features you add to Facebook Messenger, I still don’t want to use it anywhere near as much as you obviously want me to.

Fuck my best friend posting the same damn spammy ass links all the fucking time! Fuck putting me in a group message for that spammy ass bullshit! Fuck tagging me in several posts for that crap! Fuck posting that shit on my page and asking what I think about the company and then when I said that it looks spammy and sheisty, posting a follow up which, by the way, pretty much confirmed it was the very scammy, spammy, Ponzi scheme fuckshit I told you that I it was! I can’t fault your hustle but miss with that.

Fuck no one even thinking about me until I’m in the zone playing one of my games! Kicking ass and taking names then everybody wants to text, tweet, email, poke, and message me. Where were you when I was bored?

Fuck the chick that messaged me saying my profile was negative and that I’d never find anyone! It wasn’t negative but my response was. I asked her if she was mad because her daddy touched her as a child or because her daddy abandoned her as a child. Either way I thought he made the right choice and that she deserved it.

Fuck living in a seemingly cell phone dead zone! T-Mobile, Spring, and now AT&T seems to suck ass where I live. Hopefully, where I move to next year has better reception.

Fuck all the hoops I’m expected to jump through to pre-order a new phone! The color I really wanted isn’t even available in the U.S. The second color I wanted is sold out/out of stock. Did I mention that it’s the most expensive phone the network sells? Maybe it’s a good thing. I’m kind of pissed I won’t get the free fitness tracker that was included with the pre-order though. Fuck me!

Fuck that every Pokemon Go update seems to fuck up the game just a little bit more for no apparent fucking reason! Can you just fix what we’ve all been complaining about and just that? Let’s see how the game works after that and then you might try adding new features.

Fuck app developers who never update what’s being changed in the what’s new section or supply vague comments! Bug fixes? Are these fixes for new bugs, the same old bugs, or both? Are you adding features or removing them? Come on, tell me something useful!

Fuck my sister’s hot friend that got married! You could’ve let me hit once. Hell, you could still let me hit once!

Fuck everyone who went ghost! 

Fuck my mom for waiting until the apex convergence of heat, humidity, and hell before asking me to take her somewhere! Seriously?! The sun is outside winking, blowing kisses, and rubbing its hands together like Birdman waiting to get me and you want to play driving Ms. Daisy?!

Fuck this humidity in the ass, with a fire ant covered stick! Fuck that one douchebag that always has to say, “Is it hot enough for you?” No I don’t have a flaming skull like Ghost Rider yet so it could still be worse! GTFOHWTBS!

What the fuck are your fuck its? But before you tell me fuck your weekend!

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.