Well, since it’s been awhile let me start off with the general disclaimer for FiF! Fuck it Friday is a spotlight rant post where I give special attention to the people, places, and things that have annoyed me, pissed me the fuck off, or otherwise deserve the one finger salute! This post contains a lot of profanity. If that’s offensive to you then get your sensitive, finger in the booty ass out of here because I cuss a lot in general and your little feelings might get hurt! At times my rants may be misogynistic, racist, elitist, blasphemous, mean spirited, arrogant, seething with sarcasm, and pretty much piss in the face of what you believe and your sensibilities. Deal with it or get the fuck on! As is everything else in my blog this post is written from my perspective, my reality. If anything I say hits a bit too close to home for you then fuck you! It’s your problem not mine. Disagree all you want but save your breath if you want to change how I feel. Now with that out of the way read on.
Fuck bitches (and I say bitches because it’s almost always women) that post eleventy-seven videos in their Instagram stories! Got me fucking bruising my finger and wondering if my screen is going to crack because your dumbass won’t hop on Periscope or Facebook Live and do a proper broadcast! Newsflash: Nobody wants to tap through all that shit to listen to your disjointed conversation or see anything you do unless you’re choking to death on cum while getting fucked so hard your ass cheeks bruise from clapping! Even then I don’t want to tap through all that shit you ditzy hoe!
Fuck Nazis, their sympathizers, and supporters! When did they become people deserving of rights and worthy of intellectual discourse?! You know what they deserve? All the fear, hatred, and violence they put out into the world heaped back onto them tenfold. That and ship those simpleminded Neanderthals off to fight ISIS. It’s a win, win for everyone that matters. #MakeRascistsAfraidAgain
Fuck the sorry ass cops that work at demonstrations protecting racists scumbags! How come the paramilitary weapons and vehicles only seem to come out when Blacks protest? Cops are so quick and willing to protect them but get butthurt when criticized for doing shit just like that.
Fuck those retarded ass filters hoes can’t seem to get enough of on social networks! Every time I see a hoe with dog ears or the halo of flowers on her head I want to punch her in the face, trip her down a flight of stairs, and push her into oncoming traffic! Stop it! Even the hot trollops look dumb as fuck using them so honey do you really thing you can pull that off? It’s bad, fam! People go missing and the family distributes pics with Snapchat filters of the person. Got people out there looking for bitches with dog ears and muzzles or antennae and heart eyes and shit and you wonder why your family member been missing for weeks! Nobody recognizes that hoe without filters!
Fuck the sun! I don’t know what I did to piss you off but I’m sor… You know what? No, I’m not! Fuck you! Seems like within about a minute of me coming out you’re on top of me with a magnifying glass trying to burn me like I used to do ants. Wish we got a solar eclipse every day! Now sitchobitchassdown and leave me the fuck alone!
Fuck assclowns that spoil movies and shows in the comments! I’m not one of those twatwaffles that ignores the large, bold SPOILERS warning in the title of the article and gets pissed off when indeed the story is spoiled. I’m talking about the idiots who watch leaked copies before the show/movie is released and gets diarrhea of the fingers! I fucking hate you!
Fuck gnats! I don’t know where or how these little fuckers are getting in but I take great delight in murdering you and all of your brethren! The only good gnat is a dead one! Stay outside if you don’t want to die!
Fuck the Night King and his ice javelin! I can’t wait until Jon Snow kills your frosty bitch ass!
Fuck these chatty, depressing ass, old people that call into home shopping shows! How did discussing an air fryer segue into talking about your husband having two heart attacks and a major stroke in the same goddamned day?! How Sway?! Why the fuck do old people have to unload their tragically depressing story on every fucking stranger they meet? I’m having a good day farting sparkles and pissing rainbows then I hear about your life and now I want to kill you, your husband, and myself. People wonder why I don’t like talking and hate small talk? Miss me with that shit!
Fuck every time I see an air fryer I want I’m broker than Dennis Rodman’s dick! Whose pussy I gotta eat to get a digital air fryer?
Fuck how based on the occupations of the couples they probably shouldn’t be able to afford the house they’re looking for on House Hunters! Hi, I’m Larry, I return beer and pop bottles for their deposit and I’m Shauna, I sell private Snaps and PayPal pimp thirsty ass lames for a living! We’re willing to pay up to $875,000 for a vacation house. Really? How the fuck does that work and can I be down?
Fuck your photos of the eclipse and take off those stupid ass glasses! You look ridiculous!
Fuck trying to figure out stuff to do when my pen pal visits next year! The unofficial motto here is literally, “Keep it boring.” This is going to make me anxious and stress me the fuck out!
Fuck getting older and waking up sore and gimpy for no apparent reason!
Fuck the driver who took out a utility pole and destroyed a transformer on Monday! All the traffic lights were down and the po-pos cordoned off damn near every place you could make a left turn for miles. It took forever to get turned around so I could get to another McDonald’s and eventually home. The worse part is I had a strong feeling that I should go to one of the locations I don’t normally frequent. Fuck me for not listening to myself!
Fuck your dusty ass, funny looking kids and all those wack ass first day of school pictures nobody wants to see! Fuck you if you’re serious about taking those pics! Little bastards have to start the school year early as fuck and probably in a building without a/c and you got them grinning for posterity! It’s like posing for pics on your way to prison. With fucktard parents like you is there really any reason to wonder why your kids fail at life?
Fuck politicians who push stupid bills like trying to ban the purchase of pop with food stamps! People bitch if they get steak and lobster and now you don’t even want them to have some pop? What’s next hot pockets and Frosted Flakes?! GTFOHWTBS! Far as I’m concerned you should be able to buy pussy with food stamps. Anything that can be eaten is fair game!
Fuck the rumors of the next iPhone and Galaxy Notes crossing the $1000 threshold! I’m kind of ready for something shiny and newer but enough is enough! I can think of so many better things to spend $1000 on then a phone that’s designed for obsolescence in two years.
Fuck this delivery company leaving me automated messages on my voicemail damn near every day for an order I canceled over a year ago! I block every number they call me from but they still keep leaving the message telling me that the delivery is ready and schedule a date. I’m halfway tempted to schedule a delivery and see what happens.
Fuck Trump, the throne of lies he sits on, and every fucking lie out of that dickbag’s mouth! I hope Putin pisses on you like the fuckboy you are next time you report in to your boss!