Christmas is the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way Christians can go to their services and everyone else can stay home and reflect on the true meaning of seperation of church and state. – The Daily Show
I don’t know who originally wrote this so I can’t credit whoever wrote it. Anyway, based on my last post I think this is appropriate.
A Christmas Story
‘Twas the night before Christmas — Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa” — What do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money. The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes — if that ain’t damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days , they are all the pits.
They want the impossible! Those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls… their arms, legs, and heads.
I made a ton of yo-yo’s — No request for them.
They want computers and robots… they think I’m IBM!
Flying through the air, dodging the trees,
Falling down the chimney and skinning my knees.
I’m quitting this job there’s just no enjoyment.
I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There’s no Christmas this year. No you know the reason.
I found me a blonde. I’m going south for the season.