Well, what do you know BP actually came in handy for once. I left BP awhile back after my disastrous breakup with Mistress. I checked in sporadically once every blue moon and was turned off by the jankiness of the site. I started coming back more often just to check notes and to contact one particular person. She hadn’t been on in a bit so I’d leave her a note about once every three or four weeks. BP erases them automatically after 30 days they claim but sometimes they disappear sooner. Last week I checked her page and she updated it. I did a little snooping and found out that she had been online within the past three days so I sent her a note.
A couple of days later I got a response from her. Since I give most people in here a blog name hers will be Ms. Black & Wild. The note seemed kind of brusque and snippy. I wasn’t really sure what kind of response I’d get but I honestly wasn’t expecting that. I was hurt and disappointed. I basically told her that I was thinking about her and just wanted to say hi but if it’s a problem I would just leave her alone and be on my way. The second note was more pleasant. She left her cell phone number and told me to call her anytime.
I wanted to call Ms. Black & Wild then but I restrained myself and waited a day. When I did call, her phone kept ringing until I got the voice mail. I left a message with my number (I seem to get a new one every other year or so) and shot off a quick note to her just to be safe. I didn’t end up speaking to her until the next night. I think she responded to the note before she called so who knows about the voice mail. One thing I always liked about Ms. B&W was that she’s a night owl. Our relationship is kind of weird. Well, at least to me it is.
I originally met Ms. Black & Wild through an online dating site. In some ways I prefer meeting them online to other methods. It’s efficient. People actually think about what they want to say and the image they present. I know what you look like, what you want, some of your likes & dislikes, etc. It takes a lot of guess work out of the equation and that’s a good thing. I hate trying to figure out what people want, if they’re attracted to me, and why they want to talk to me or get to know me. Assuming everyone is being honest, it cuts through a lot of the bullshit. If they contact you then you can assume some level of attraction. You won’t be bothered with a bunch of chicks trying to make you their play brother, newest best friend, or the confused chicks who want you to wine & dine them and snuggle & cuddle with them like you were their man but not give you the title. With online dating they actually tell you what they’re looking for. If I’m not looking for what she wants I don’t waste her time responding. If they don’t desire what I want then they don’t waste my time either. That’s kind of refreshing.
Ms. Black & Wild never was my girlfriend for a few reasons. She’s a really aggressive flirter. It went way beyond compliments, word play, and stuff I saw as harmless. It was coquettish. Maybe I shouldn’t even call it flirting because it’s more like teasing, straight up dick teasing. I went through that with Mistress and I know me well enough to know that I can’t and don’t want to deal with someone that can’t, don’t, or won’t dial it down and turn off the flirting and is actively seeking or constantly needing the attention and admiration of other males. Unlike Mistress, Ms. Black & Wild never did that shit in my face but I am very aware of how she likes doing it. They both say it’s harmless but it bothers me. A little flirting every now and then is cool. Incessant flirting with any and everyone and actually physical contact isn’t cool or appropriate with me at all. I only told her that her teasing bothered me last night after she told me about the conversation we had in which I pretty much disqualified her from ever being my woman. Ms. B&W actually called me a heart breaker and said I broke her heart when I unilaterally put the kabosh on us ever being a couple.
Her behavior at times reminded me of the way Mistress acted. I definitely didn’t want to rehash that again. I know how that story ends and let me tell you it sucked! As I write this I haven’t told her that part of the story/reason. I’ll never let anyone hurt me that badly again. Another reason we weren’t a couple is that she has a daughter. Periodically she was still messing around with her daughter’s father (who I think is/was her first love) and I had a policy of never getting too serious about women with children. I’m thinking about telling Ms. B&W about this blog. I haven’t decided yet if I should or even want to yet. I’ve already reconsidered writing some things because A comes by every now and then. What wouldn’t I write if I thought Ms. Black & Wild might be reading?
She wasn’t my girlfriend but I knew Ms. B & W liked me. I liked her too. She still likes me. Never thought I left much of an impression on people (then again I’ve always had and still have a warped view of myself). Sometimes she was like a 1st tier friend and sometimes she was like a girlfriend (read this (http://freakytopia NULL.net/2006/06/07/friends-lovers/) to understand my tiers of friendship). She was kind of like a best friend with benefits. For the most part I’ve had difficulty with the whole casual sex thing. In some aspects of my life I’m a hardcore extremist. You’re either with me or against me, I care about you or I don’t give a fuck about you, him or me, take it or leave it, etc. That attitude complicates non-committed sex. Usually when all I want to do is hit and run the women I meet want relationships. When I want to be in a relationship every woman I meet wants to fuck and flee. It’s frustrating as hell but welcome to my life.
Normally I could cut off a few fingers and still have enough left to count how many people I’ve truly ever missed. Ms. Black & Wild is one of them. She’s intelligent, funny, sweet, kind, and hardworking. She’s one of the few women I know or have been with that knew how to get in my head and mindfuck me. I don’t have to pull teeth or beat her with a rubber hose to get her to admit or express her feelings. She’s emotionally available, sometimes a little too emotionally available but it’s nice to talk to someone who spends more time telling you how she feels then thinking of ways to change the subject or put me off. I haven’t met a woman before or since her that makes me cum as hard as she does and I’ve been told by more than one woman that I don’t cum normally, LOL. I won’t even get into her game. Lots of women talk about how well they suck dick, Ms. Black & Wild can actually teach a fucking university level course on it. Seriously! She had me spoiled with that. I think it was a JT Money verse that said, “If you don’t suck dick then you won’t get fucked bitch!” Because of her I think Dick has made that his battle cry. Now I don’t do fan clubs but Dick is whole different story. She is also good for asking me questions when I’m not expecting them, not in the mood to do any deep thinking, or just to fluster me (well, it seems that way at times). Sometimes, I think she gets a perverse joy out of it.
It’s funny comparing what you think you know about a person and how they actually are. I alway joke around about what a perverted freak she is. Yesterday she told me that she was really only like that with me. She said I bring it out in her. Women have told me that before. I usually believe them for some reason. I didn’t believe her at first, not until she used her serious voice did I realize she wasn’t kidding. She said I made her feel comfortable showing that side of herself. She said that most guys made her feel bad about it or that it wasn’t okay to show her sexual side or express it let alone run wild with it. I don’t know what’s wrong with people these days. I know Americans are Puritanical when it comes to sex but damn! I’m not a Puritan so I’m not bound or restricted to their sexual practices. I’ve heard some of her fantasies before. She even remarked about my recall when I remembered some of them. I’m open to a lot so when I hear her fantasies I’m thinking okay we can try that. She told me most guys look at her like she suggested filming a gangbang using their mom’s bedroom to film the movie in. If I can bring that out in people then I’m happy. While I would rarely admit it to most people there’s a part of me that enjoys corrupting and perverting the women that set off my freak detector. Is that bad? I’m just asking because even if it is I don’t plan on stopping, it’s way too much fun! Besides even if they don’t admit it I know they like it too, LOL.
We drift away every now and then, but off and on she’s been in my life for about eight years. I’m absolutely terrible at remembering dates so, of course, she informed me of that. I don’t know what the future holds for us or if we even have one. I don’t expect most people to even make it to eight months as my friend. Surprises never cease. I enjoy spending time with her. She’s a good friend and lover but I don’t know if there’s anything in the cards for us romantically. I’m trying not to rule anything out but I’m also not making any promises. My heart will love whomever and however it sees fit. If it’s her great. If not then that’s fine by me too. I’m not trying to commit to anyone unless and until my mind and heart are in agreement. Not that it guarantees anything but I’d feel a lot more confident going in to the relationship if they agree. Usually, I listen to my heart even when my brain is screaming, “Freaky don’t do it!” Leading with your heart isn’t good. It hurts…a whole fucking lot! I’ve learned that not listening to my heart can be bad but not listening to my head is almost always bad.