Christmas Meme

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Honestly, I love both but Christmas is definitely egg nog season. Add some nutmeg, whipped cream, ice cream, and some bourbon to it and you have something for the grown & sexy holiday people.

2. Did you ever do anything for Santa?
Anything like what? I don’t quite understand the question. Did I ever let him touch my no-no spots for money or presents? Bob for apples in his pants? Nope but Mrs. Claus can touch away all she wants. Fuck you, pay me! Besides being the good, sweet, and innocent boy I was I didn’t particularly do anything for Santa other than to be myself.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
We never did any of the outdoor decorations besides having a wreath on the door. We always had colored lights (I feel like I should have a southern accent and spit tobacco after saying colored) and white lights. The tree was white so all white lights would be a bit of monochromatic overkill so the tree and windows had a combination of both colored and white lights.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
My mom used to hang some up when we were kids but I don’t think anyone ever stood under there waiting for a kiss. Now, I’d like to carry some mistletoe over my head and over my crotch. I’ll let you figure out what it means and why?

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Personally, I like the tree and decorations up within a day or two of Thanksgiving and to keep it up until about New Year’s Day (give or take a couple of days.)

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
I can’t say that I have a favorite holiday dish. It would probably be a dessert but since desserts are excluded I’d have to go with none.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
Wow, as I started to answer this, I wasn’t really too sure. I suppose it would be the time our grandmother took us to Cobo Hall (I believe it was Cobo Hall anyway) where they used to have this big Christmas/winter festival. It was sort of like an indoor fair, everything was done up in a Christmas theme and they had rides, games, and lots of other things you could do. When you were done with everything you could visit Santa Claus and have pictures taken with him. It was actually quite beautiful. I don’t think they do it anymore and if not then it’s really a shame.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I don’t remember how old I was for sure my mom claims that I was about 8 or 9. I had my doubts and really hadn’t been much of a believer in Mr. Kringle for a couple of years prior. I just didn’t have my suspicions confirmed until I was 8 or 9. I kept asking my mom a lot of questions (okay I was interrogating her) about Santa and certain inconsistencies my young and already untrusting and suspicious mind couldn’t get around. Stuff like how does Santa get inside since we don’t have a chimney and I didn’t hear the door open? Why does the writing on the tags all look like yours? Most of these presents have been under the tree since well before Christmas, I thought Santa only shows up on Christmas Eve. Where’s the gifts from Santa? I think one year my little mind finally grasp that mommy was lying so I confronted her and she told me that she was Santa and not to tell my sister. I was devastated. I think I eventually did end up telling my sister that Santa was a hoax but I gave her a year or two. I wonder if she remembers? I also wonder if I’ll lie to my kids about jolly ol’ Saint Nick.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
That’s kind of hard to say. Technically, I suppose we opened our gifts on Christmas (since midnight on December 25th is Christmas). We opened all of our gifts at midnight. I don’t normally consider a day over until I’ve gone to sleep, waken up, and it’s another day.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Nothing all that special. After the tree acclimates to room temperature, I set it up. We’ve always done the artificial trees, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. Anyway once the tree is assembled, the lights are strung up, a second opinion is sought on the placement and coverage of the lights, then the ornaments and garland go up, after that candy canes are placed on the tree (if I don’t have a dog otherwise that step is skipped because every dog I’ve ever had like candy canes and most would topple the tree to get at them), the star or whatever is topping the tree that year goes on last. As kids my sister or I, depending on the year placed the star on top.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
You obviously don’t know me or have read my blog if you have to ask me that. I absolutely adore the snow. It’s really difficult if not impossible for me to get into the holidays without snow. Not having any snow is one of the things depressing me right now. So many people are happy about the unseasonably warm weather. Well, I have two words for them global warming! It’s not a good thing at all. I’m still holding out that we don’t have a mild winter and get a lot of snow but I’m not holding out for a white Christmas. The holidays are just going to suck this year.

12. Can you ice skate?
Well considering that I’ve never tried it I’ll go with a safe and very probable nope. Since the ice skating rink at Campus Martius opened I’ve been thinking about lacing up a pair. I think it needs to be a bit colder though and I’d definitely prefer to be there during one of the less busier days and times so I don’t attract too large of an audience watching me fall on my face and ass.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I’m not sure I have an absolute favorite gift. I suppose it would be a toss up between the ColecoVision video game console and a metallic Schwinn Mongoose BMX bike. Since the ColecoVision was a family gift, I guess I’d have to go with the bike. It was a nice looking bike and I was the envy of the block for a minute.

14. What’s the most exciting thing about the holidays for you?
The way I feel during the good holidays. The hope, the amazement, the belief that miracles can and do happen, all that joy on Earth, goodwill to men stuff, the overwhelming feeling that things will be okay, random acts of kindness, and just the general sense of goodness I feel around me. Too bad I’m not in that mood this year and don’t feel any of it.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Whatever my mom or sister makes.
LOL! I don’t have a favorite, sorry. I love me some gingerbread cookies, spice sugar cookies (with sprinkles, of course), and bear claws (although I don’t think they’re necessarily a holiday thing, my sister made some around Christmas once and they were delicious.) There are a few holiday concoctions that my family sometimes make that I could just guzzle down until I drown but I can’t recall any of them as I’m answering this meme.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
I don’t really have any holiday traditions besides opening presents at midnight. All the other kids on the block had to wait until the morning or could only open one gift but by the time they finished opening their gifts we had already played with them for a few hours, went to sleep, and got our second wind. LOL!

17. What tops your tree?
Honestly, I’m not even sure. I didn’t put up the tree last year and I don’t think it’s going up this year either. I think it’s an angel clad in a gold gown but don’t quote me on that.

18. Which do you prefer give or receive gifts?
Duh, do you really have to ask?! I so much prefer to receive gifts than give them. That’s probably because I was spoiled rotten as a kid. Since we never had a large family I guess it was their way of trying to compensate or something. I don’t know. Now that I’m grown the presents have pretty much trickled down to nothing. Well, I know my mom always has my back for something but other than that most presents I get are from myself. So it would be nice for someone else to think about me and give me something instead of always having to do for myself or go without.

I’m not opposed to giving a gift (especially if I know that person would appreciate and like it) or exchanging gifts but honestly I’d like the attention so I prefer receiving.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
I know I’ve said before that with anything I even remotely care about that I have a favorite but when it comes to Christmas that’s just one of the exceptions I guess. Really it depends on who’s singing it and what kind of mood I’m in. When I’m feeling like a big kid, I like stuff like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, The Chipmunk Song (Please Christmas Don’t be Late), All I Want for Christmas (Are my two front teeth), I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, and stuff like that. When I feeling a bit more grown up and/or festive I like stuff like Baby, it’s Cold Outside, Silent Night, Feliz Navidad, Santa Baby, etc. Really it depends on my mood.

20. Candy Canes?
Yes, I’m down with candy canes. I love them! They go with many things both hot and cold.

21. Favorite Christmas TV Special?
I’m not sure if I have a favorite. I love the Claymation stuff that I used to watch as a kid. Watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and others just brings out the kid in me. Let me add in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, animated not the live action one. It’s nice to let that side of me out and revisit it for a few hours every year. Personally, I think the modern Christmas specials are straight up garbage! I’m talking hot, steamy garbage, complete with the juice!

Happy holidays to you and yours. Be good, be safe, and have fun.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.