Big green guy

I went to see Shrek the 3rd Saturday. The story was okay but it just wasn’t funny. It’s like the producers of Shrek the 3rd hired Robert Townsend or someone else boring to write it. If you’ve seen the previews for it at the movies and on television then you’ve pretty much seen most of the funny stuff. Seriously, throughout the whole movie I may have chuckled once or twice and those were weak chuckles I might add. Kind of like the ones you give a co-worker when he or she tells you the same “funny” story or joke you’ve heard eleventy-seven times. It’s politeness for the one time you heard it and it was actually funny. Shrek was sort of like that.

One thing Shrek suffers from is that all of the big names seemed to have called in their performances after cashing in their very large paychecks. Too many new characters are introduced like the fairy tale princesses and not enough time is spent on fleshing out any of the new characters with the possible exception of Artie (the future King Arthur). The “jokes” if you can even call them that weren’t hit or miss. At least with hit or miss rapid fire jokes, something is funny and you can respect their bravery for trying to throw in so many one liners, puns, sight gags, etc. In Shrek however, the jokes are pretty much miss. Unless you suffer from a more severe form of mental retardation or you’re in the pre-school/kindergarten toddler set Shrek 3 just isn’t funny. The biggest laugh in the theater came from the scene where Prince Charming interrogated Pinocchio, the three little pigs, and the Gingerbread Man to Shrek’s whereabouts. Prince Charming said he was now the king of Far Far Away and the the Gingerbread Man responded, “The only thing you’re the king of is king of the stupids.” The children roared with laughter. I shit you not. That got the biggest laugh in the movie.

I don’t understand breeders sometimes. Why if your little girl is crying in the auditorium are you using a conversational voice with her? Surely, everyone has seen the little ads that tell you to be quiet. I think someone really needs to just come out and say, “Shut the fuck up you inconsiderate, home training lacking, bastard, no one cares about what you have to say so zip it already!” Also why are you trying to console her in the auditorium? This little girl’s hissyfit is steadily getting louder and louder as he walks her out of the auditorium. Why the fuck are you walking and waiting for her to catch up? Pick the whiny bitch up and carry her out you dumb fuck? I wish parents understood that the only ones who like or gives a fuck about their kids are probably people related to your kids. I’m not. I don’t have to be patient, understanding, or tolerant to the fruit of your ignorant loins. If you treated me the way you want me to treat your children then you would’ve left them at home. Since you didn’t, don’t get mad when me or someone else suggests screams at you to shut them the hell up!

If you haven’t seen it yet then I wouldn’t pay full price to see it, wait for it to hit the $1.50 show if you must see it. I sure as hell wouldn’t take anyone to see it that wasn’t letting me skeet up in her seven ways to Sunday. I’d definitely demand some ass from a chick I took to see this just to get some kind of return on my investment. I should’ve went to see 28 Weeks Later instead.

Shrek the 3rd is nothing special. My letter grade for Shrek the 3rd is C-.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.