Meme madness 5 – Monday

Well, I got this from Ladynay (http://ladynaynay NULL.blogspot who got it from whoever wherever. I didn’t see anything, I didn’t hear anything, and I don’t know anything. Nobody is really blogging, reading, or commenting so there’s no better time than now for another meme madness week.

1. In three words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Her disappearing acts.

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
I think I tried it once when I was a kid. Ouch! Don’t ask me why. Those cheap disposable razors will slice you up quicker than a 70’s perm wearing pimp named Pinky when he honks his horn and you’re short on his money!

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Sleep. (I’ve been sitting on this meme for a couple of months and finished it yesterday.)

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Listening to music on my computer.

5. Are you any good at math?
I taught my sister algebra when we were younger. I’m okay at it. Although I suck at geometry and will bust your head open to the white meat if you ever ask me do to statistics.

6. Last night?
[Cue some chill R&B music and sings] Last night I made love to my hand, chances are, I’ll do it again. [/cue] What? Don’t judge me! I need to start writing some songs so I can save R&B. No fuck that put me in a studio and hook me up with some digital sweetening and buy my damn CD!

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Until my mom admits that she slept with Bill Gates or Carlos Slimm and that one of them is really my daddy then I’m not aware of having any famous ancestors.

8. Have you ever burped in front of the opposite sex?
What’s so special about the opposite sex? Like Shrek says, better out than in (unless we’re talking about my dick then it should be in and out and in and out and…). I don’t think I’ve ever tried to recite the alphabet to a chick while belching but I’m sure somewhere there is a woman or two that can say I burped in her presence. Whatever.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your MySpace page?
Well, as a matter of fact I do. It’s one of my favorite songs too. Rapping along to it is a great stress reliever.

10. Last thing you received in the mail?
Something from Social Security and yet another Comcast Triple Play offer for loyal customers.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
As I’ve writing this so far I’ve only had some pineapple-orange juice. I’ll probably drink some water and maybe get into some grape juice. I ♥ grape juice.

12. What’s one thing you wish to change about yourself?
Gee where do I start? Well since the question only asked for one thing I wish I was about three inches taller.

13. What do you wish for?
A life of luxury, the ability to fuck any chick I wanted to whenever I wanted to, children, seclusion, internal peace & happiness, to not be forced to suffer fools, and a quick and painless death.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
I haven’t done that since I was a kid. I’d rather make sandcastles or bury someone in sand personally. Besides, I prefer drawing my name in the snow, without using my hands. Feel me?

15. What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had?
I have sensitive teeth and gums so even getting them cleaned is a bit unpleasant.

16. What is outside of your back door?
Why the fuck do you want to know? Matter of fact why the fuck is this even a question? Seriously? Steps, a walkway, an embankment, and the back of some carports.

17. Any plans for Friday night?
I’ll probably be watching a new episode of Dr. Who on the Sci-Fi channel and Tivoing Man vs. Wild.

18. Do you like the ocean?
Sure minus the seagulls, sharks, jelly fish, hurricanes, and angry souls of dead pirates why wouldn’t I?

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different POPCORN?
Yes, I have. I’m not really fond of them either because I don’t generally like cold popcorn. The caramel corn in those things are good and one of the few types of popcorn I like cold. Barbecue popcorn being another.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
I’ve been to a planetarium before as part of an astronomy class I took in college. It was cool. I wouldn’t mind going back.

21. Natural childbirth or epidural
Well, since it ain’t coming out of me it doesn’t really matter one way or the other. As long as she and my baby are safe it’s up to her. If men ever could give birth then I would choose neither. I would refrain from getting pregnant until transporters are invented and Scotty or Chief O’Brien can beam that little fucker out of me .

22. Something you are excited about.
I’m not currently excited about anything. Why do I have to be excited? Yet another conceit of meme writers.

23. What is your favorite flavor of Jell-O?
Sparkling mandarin orange is probably my favorite but I haven’t seen it in on the shelves in a minute. I also love peach, orange, pineapple, and strawberry Jell-O too.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Nope, I believe they’re all deceased. They’d be ancient, decrepit, and older than Methuselah so it’s probably a good thing that they ceased being maggot food a long time ago.

25. Describe your key chain:
Well it’s a detachable key chain. The main unit is blue and circular. It has a hook that I can attach to my belt loop and it has five rings. It has five detachable rings so I only have to carry what I need. On one ring is the key to Pussy and the automatic lock fob, on another ring are my house keys, the key to my mailbox, a mini flashlight, and my former key chain which is basically the first initial of my name, on the third ring are my store cards (CVS, DSW, Kroger, Farmer Jack, and Petco), the other two rings are empty.

26. Do you like anyone on your blog roll?
What the fuck?! They’re alright I guess or I wouldn’t have added them. Not the answer you were looking for? Then ask better questions next time. Speaking of my blog roll it’s time to start updating and purging.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
Probably during my last speech class. I don’t do large groups.

28. What is your winter coat like?
All of my winter coats are black and leather. I have a leather trench coat that I rarely wear, a zip up leather jacket, and a button up leather jacket.

29. How often do you lay with your significant other and just cuddle, no sex?
Well considering that I don’t officially have a significant other I’d have to say I’ll take never for $200 Alex. Cuddling leads to sex, well, at least the way I do it. Considering how sexual I am and how I tend to attract or bring the freak out of people then I’d say cuddling with no sex doesn’t happen very often. Unless we’re talking after the point.

30. Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue?
Do African children in those relief commercials have flies on their eyes? Come on! Are you serious? I don’t think I’d be worthy of the Freaky Deaky name if I couldn’t do something as simple as that.

Author: Freaky Deaky I'm a horny, opinionated, smart-ass, antisocial, introverted, misanthropic, agnostic, nonconformist, free thinking, hedonistic, highly intelligent, and arrogant black man with a dirty mind.