On Friday I went to see Mirrors.  I was planning to see Star Wars: The Clone Wars but things changed.  My mom wanted to see Mirrors for some reason and since we usually see what I want I decided to see what she wanted.  Well, it wasn’t one of those tepid romantic comedies, a Tyler Perry movie, or one of those angry black woman is always right and black man is always wrong movies so I thought what the hell. I generally try not to spoil movies but to be honest it’s so confusing due to poor writing and direction that I’m finding it extremely difficult to describe with clarity without spoiling so with that said, there are some spoilers in my review.  I won’t tell you the ending but if you plan to see it and want to be surprised than be gone.  This is your first, last, and only warning.  Got it?  Cool.

Mirrors is a remake of a 2003 Korean horror movie called Into the Mirror.  Ben Carson (Keifer  Sutherland) is a recovering alcoholic ex-cop forced to take a job as a security guard at a dark, creepy, and burned down mall.  Upon entering the mall you notice that it has way more mirrors than are necessary and the mannequins are kind of creepy.  Soon after working there Ben starts to notice weird and disturbing things that seem to be centered around the mirrors.  He sees images of people burning to death and screaming for help.  Now for most intelligent people that would be enough to give notice and see if the local Target is hiring but not Ben.  Most cops I’ve seen are pretty much pussies without a loaded gun and a numerical advantage but Ben is a movie cop and they’re a special breed.  While most people would run in the opposite direction at the creepy sounds coming from the basement Ben is quick to go down there and investigate.  More spooky shit and violent images are shown and now the mirrors have taken an interest in Ben.  Dumbass.  Barring my mama or my dog being trapped in that basement I’d be in my truck on the way to the liquor store and then home.

Ben gets out of the basement relatively unscathed and we’re introduced to more of his home life and potential victims.  Ben is separated from his wife who is hot I may add.  He turned to the bottle after killing accidentally killing a man.  For the time being he’s staying on the living room couch at his little sister Angela’s apartment.  Did I mention his little sister works as a bartender?  An alcoholic living with a bartender?  What’s that I taste?  The sweet delectable overtones of irony.  Oh yeah.  He’s estranged from his hot wife, Amy, who hasn’t been making it very easy to see the two kids they share together.

The mirrors begin torturing Ben by showing him deformed images of himself and basically letting him know that they can hurt him.  About 50 years ago a young girl, Anna Esseker, was brought into a psychiatric hospital due to symptoms she was exhibiting.  Her family believed that she was possessed.  After trying to get her help through the church and trying countless treatments on her a doctor convinced the family that she wasn’t possessed but was suffering from a form of violent schizophrenia.  His treatment was to strap the 12 year old for days on end to a chair in a mirrored room/cell in order to force her to confront the images of shattered psyche.  Problem is the doctor was very, very wrong.  Anna was possessed.  The demon left Anna and entered the mirror.  Anna was released and sent off to a monastery.  Why?  Because there are no mirrors there.  In fact mirrors are banned from the monastery.  The demon killed all 200+ patients at the mental hospital, making it look like suicide and the hospital was shut down.  Anna eventually settled in and found peace at the monastery and a mall was built on top of the former mental hospital.

Ben starts acting kind of funny due to the stuff he’s seen.  So much so that his wife begins to wonder if he’s drinking again or if it’s a side effect of drugs he’s taking to remain sober.  He tries destroying a huge mirror at the mall he works security at but nothing he does seems to have any effect on it.  He demands the mirror tell him what it wants from him and he’s told it wants Anna.  Ben’s son Michael begins acting funny.  He spends long periods of time in front of the mirror.  Much to his mom’s chagrin Michael isn’t talking to himself or an imaginary friend.

In the world of Mirrors anything that happens to your mirror image is experienced by you.  So if your mirror image sets itself on fire then you burn too.  The demon can travel through any reflective surface.  Just for an experiment try to avoid being around anything with a reflective surface.  It’s a lot harder than you think.  Ever see a hand print on a mirror that you just couldn’t wipe away?  Maybe it’s because the hand print isn’t actually on your side of the mirror.  The demon in the mirror steals souls and traps them on the other side, usually after killing their corporeal bodies.

The Good: The first half of the movie.  Mirrors is very gory at times.  Angela’s death.  Keifer Sutherland.  Amy in a wet, lacy, white top.

The Bad:  The final half of the movie.  Ben’s son, Michael.  He was stupid, annoying, and another example of why I absolutely despise child actors.  Seriously sometimes I hate those little bastards more than I hate normal, non-acting children.  The execution of the plot.  The writing.  Walking out of the movies and scratching your head wondering what happened generally isn’t a good thing.  The demon’s appearance.  Not scary.  Predictable.  Campy at times.

The Miscellaneous:  The twist ending was kind of cool but if you can’t see it within the first half hour of the movie then you my friend have an appointment with the short yellow bus.  As we were getting ready to leave an elderly couple was exiting.  The lady stopped, looked at us, and said, “I don’t get it.”  If you want an escapist horror movie than by all means go see Mirrors.   It really isn’t a bad movie.  Unfortunately, it really isn’t a good movie either.  With more cohesive and better writing this movie could’ve been great.  Don’t think about it too hard though or your brain will hurt and you may get angry.  My letter grade for Mirrors is a C-.  Don’t waste your money, wait for it to come out on DVD, cable, or the bootleg man, if you must.  I’ll take you, if you suck my dick… and swallow.