“You can say I’m desperate, even call me perverted
But you’ll say I’m a dog when I leave you fucked and deserted
I’ll play with your heart just like it’s a game
I’ll be blowin’ your mind while you’re blowin’ my brains
I’lm just like that man they call Georgie Puddin’ Pie
I fuck all the girls and I make ’em cry
I’l like a dog in heat, a freaky without warnin’
I have an appetite for sex ’cause me so horny”

(http://freakytopia NULL.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Horny-Toe NULL.jpg)

I was sittin’ at home with my dick on hard, so I got my black book for a freak to call.  Seriously, that was pretty much what happened that winter night.  I was young, hard, and didn’t have anything to stick my dick in besides my right hand.  I didn’t have a girlfriend, didn’t have any freaks, and I didn’t even have any cake bait at the time.  Yeah, I fucked up due to bad planning and poor booty management on my part.  It was late but still within the confines of property booty call hours so I’m trying to hustle up some ass.  I was striking out everywhere I looked for one reason of another.  Finally I went back to chicks I don’t even remember talking to but I got a bite.

We chat on the phone for a little bit and B.B. invites me over.  I had passed her apartment complex many times so I had a general familiarity with the area.  Even better was that she lived about five minutes away from me.  Great!  I freshened up, put on some clothes, and let my car warm up for a few.  I drove to her complex and looked for the address she had given me.  I looked and looked and looked and looked.  I know this chick didn’t give me a wrong address and sent me on a wild goose chase.  I couldn’t find her place to save my life.  I hate loosing and admitting defeat is even worse but I finally grabbed my cell phone and called her.  The first time the phone just ranged.  I was so pissed I had to take my glasses off because they were fogging over.  No this bitch didn’t.  I called her again this time ready to leave the meanest, foulest message ever on her answering machine but she picked up.  She had fallen asleep, well, so she claimed.

I explained that I was driving around her complex and I couldn’t find anything remotely resembling her address.  B.B.’s complex has an odd idiotic and convoluted numbering system.  I told her where I was and she told me where I needed to be.  Knowing how easy it is to get lost there I was a bit annoyed that she didn’t give better directions.  That’s another pet peeve of mine, people giving me poor directions.  I just thought to myself for all the time and frustration I was put through she better be fine and my dick needs to be wet when I leave.  I park, get out, and B.B. buzzes me into the building.  I go downstairs through a dimly lit hall and knock on her door…with my dick.  No, I didn’t do that but I was horny and with enough anticipation that I could have.  The door opened and let’s just say she’s fortunate that I’m stoic and good at controlling my facial expressions.

I briefly considered telling B.B. I had the wrong apartment and hightailing it out of there.  That would’ve been mean though.  I walk in and just burst into sweat.  Her apartment felt like it was bordering the first circle of hell it was so hot.  I took off of my winter coat immediately before I burst into flames too.  This chick was a big ole big ole big ole big ole big ole big ole big girl with short hair.   Now I’m by no means a petite man with that said I prefer my chicks be shorter and smaller than me.  She was neither.  If not for the fact that I’m strong as ox and could out run her if necessary this chick could literally pin me down, have her way with me, and there wouldn’t be shit I could do but cry, tell her I’m a virgin, wet myself, and take my rape shower when everything was said and done.   It was hotter than Satan’s ass on Hot Chile Peppers night and this chick was wrapped up in a blanket!  Seriously?!  She sits on the couch and I sit on the loveseat.

We talk for a minute and B.B. asks me if I’m hot.  I’d think that would be evident by my shirt being drenched in so much sweat that I could enter a wet T-shirt contest but maybe not.  *shrugs*  I tell her I’m straight.  We talk a little more and she gets up to turn down the inferno, I presume, and to get me some tissue to wipe my brow.  Oh thank Sweet Baby Jebus!  She asks me to come sit next to her on the couch I do but not before sneaking a peak at my watch.  It’s late.  We chit chat some more and B.B. tells me that I’m handsome.  Me likey da compliments!  B.B. asks if she can get a hug and a kiss.  I think to myself, “Nah, I’m straight”, but I give her one.  Fortunately, no tongue was involved.  She smelled sickeningly sweet to me.  That and the heat almost made me vomit in my mouth.  I didn’t but damn, I was dangerously close.  During all of this B.B.’s hand brushes against my dick and she asks if she can play with it.

Dick:  Hell yeah you can play with me!  Let’s play Oriental massage parlor.  You can give me a happy ending and love me long time.

Me:  We are not fucking her.

Dick:  That has not yet been determined.

Me:  Did you bring a flashlight and some flour to find her pussy because I sure as hell didn’t?

Dick:  Oh, you got jokes, huh?  That beating I’m going to put on her pussy won’t be a joke.

Me:  Oh, shit.  I think I threw up in my mouth.

Dick:  Hell, if things go right I’ll return the favor and throw up in hers.

Me:  Aw c’mon Dick!

Dick:  Only if she doesn’t let me cum in.

Me:  Do you have no limits?

Dick:  Very few and far between, why?

Me:  You are fucking sick and perverted!

Dick:  Me?  You do realize we’re one in the same right?  No worries my nigga but I need to get this nut so you need to shut up and nut up.

B.B. put on some music, pulled my dick out, and polished my pole with her hands.  I don’t remember who or what I was thinking about while she was giving me that handjob but she milked every last ounce of milk of dicknesia out of me that I was able to give her right then and there.  It was a gooey, sticky mess.  *pours out some liquor for all my dead knuckle babies that night*  She was impressed by my output and got me some tissue to clean up.  I was just hoping she didn’t want me to return the favor because I think I ejaculated the brain cells I needed to come up with a believable excuse.  Fortunately B.B. didn’t ask.  She did want to know if I could go again.  I probably could’ve but would prefer a break.  The second time is much more intense than the first and I just didn’t want to share that experience with her.  By this time it was really late.  I busted a nice nut and I was already tired.  I needed to go to bed.  B.B. asked if I wanted to sleep over but I declined.  She told me how much she enjoyed my visit and to call her later so we could do it again sometime.  I told her I would but I never did.