Well, howdy there!  My mom is doing better but not enough for me not to lay awake at night worrying.  I just can’t shake the dark thoughts and fear I’ve been feeling lately, although I think I might be either calming down or finally able to push those thoughts to the back of my head with all the other stuff I don’t want to think about or deal with at any given moment.  I don’t have anyone I really feel like opening up to.  Even if I did I wouldn’t even know where to start or what to say.  I really want and need for this feeling to just disappear instead of flowing over me like waves.  I hate having to be the strong, responsible one all the damn time.  I wish I could drown it out with liquor or weed but neither are really my vices. I did have a drink but it didn’t do much for me but give me a weird vibe and interesting dreams that night.  I’ve always been of the mindset that losing control is the worst type of weakness.  Not going to lie though I wouldn’t mind being balls deep in some random stranger and fucking the pain away.  Guess I do a have vice.  Yay, self-destructive tendencies!  Woohoo!

I’m thinking about dipping my toes back into the dating pool.  Honestly, I’m not sure if I want a relationship.  I kind of want a couple of chicks I can Netflix and chill with, you know?  And by Netflix and chill, I mean slide my dick in on the regular and donate some milk of dicknesia to.  My typical m.o. is serial monogamy but part of me wants to be a manhoe.  I think I’d rather lead with my dick instead of my heart this time but who knows.  It could just be the horniness talking.

My computer is acting like it has dementia or Alzheimer’s.  I looked up my computers age and allegedly it’s over 8 years old.  No wonder it’s been so painfully slow and annoying.  Sometimes I really want to punch this laptop like that dude in the Little Caesar’s Hot N Ready commercials.  Still think I’m going to hold out and go for a new tablet first.  I looked at the Samsung Tab A and decided to pass.  I’ve really been feeling the Microsoft Surface but the new one will be coming out next month and the current one is still rather expensive.  Even though it’s technically a computer (well computer-ish) I can buy a decent laptop for what it would cost me to get the Surface, the keyboard case, and the stylus.  For some reason Apple is still a contender.  I’ve been thinking about the iPad Air 2 or the iPad Mini 3.  Yeah, I know the Mini 4 is the latest and greatest but the Mini 3 isn’t much of a downgrade in specs and it’s being phased out so the price should drop. Other than that I’m feeling the Samsung Galaxy Tab S1.  Yeah, the S2 is the newest but it’s not necessarily worth the increased price over last year’s model.

I remember the thing I dislike most about having a dog.  Fur.  I find it anywhere and everywhere and it’s hard as hell to get rid of.  I still love my dum-dum but the next dog I get I’m definitely going to research something that sheds less or not at all.  Maybe get one of those demonic looking hairless dogs.

This people here are starting to work my last nerve.  I can’t wait to move next year.  I absolutely hate everything about moving except actually being in a new place but I think I’m going to look forward to it this time.  Hopefully, I can find a place with a fenced in yard so the dog can lay outside in the sun anytime she wants and I can’t keep people away from me.

I’m looking forward to the state fair next month.  I don’t know why but that overpriced, undercooked food is the best thing in the fall.  I just hope that the day is cloudy and cool.  I can’t stand being around all those people and feeling hot and sweaty like a stuck pig.  I think I’m going to buy a ridiculous amount of honey sticks this year and I’m not sharing.  I’m surprised they haven’t announced any of the new deep friend heart attacks on a stick foods yet.  They need to come better than last year’s greasy deep fried rice krispies treat fail!  I had such high hopes for that.  I just wish someone would make pizza fries.  You can just reach in my wallet and take my money.  Mmmmmm pizza fries!  *drools* 

My birthday is fast approaching, just a little over two weeks away.  It’s not too early or too late to get me something nice.  #LibraSeason