New pet peeve: People who play videos on their phones at full volume. I’m talking about when you’re watching tv and someone just decides to blast a six minute YouTube video like fuck what you’re watching Freaky! Also when you’re in the car listening to the radio and someone just needs to listen to the latest fuckery on Facebook while I’m trying to chillax, jam, or drive without a fit of road rage. It’s not even like they viewed the video to share with you they just have a random outburst of rudeness. Excuse yourself and go to another room or put in some headphones with your rude ass!

I know I’m late to the party but I finally heard that Panda song. I heard it on the Wendy Williams show and didn’t understand one damn word that nigga was saying. I felt kind of bad for a moment until I turned on the closed captions. The closed caption person didn’t understand it either. I imagine whomever pulled that duty either cried, quit, or committed suicide rather than attempting to caption it.

Why do chicks on Instagram take videos posing and making weird faces but don’t say shit? I find it kind of creepy and difficult to masturbate to, to be honest. I always want to type, “Bitch, say something!”

Now Periscope is completely different.  Those hoes can get all the nut milk until my balls are so deflated the NFL demands an investigation!  I was chilling with Val one night and a commercial for almond milk came on.  Ever since then I’ve been trying to work nut milk into every conversation I can with Val. She’s going to make me start using other euphemisms for semen soon. Nut milk! Nut milk! Nut milk!

Took my dog to the vet today and had the weirdest conversation ever.

Vet Asst.: Is Cinnamon okay with butt stuff?

Me: Ma’am, my puppy girl isn’t some nasty freak bitch! She’s respectable!

Vet Assistant: I mean with thermometers.

Me: Oh. Yeah, she’s cool with it!

Ok, part of this conversation only happened in my head but she set herself for a bunch of fucked up answers if my mother wasn’t there too.

I’m still enjoying Coco Nina.

I want to get rid of my house phone line so much. 90% of the calls seem like they’re robocalls. Half of the numbers are spoofed and it’s the same motherfuckers calling! Is it really that serious? Politicians, usually of a party or candidate I’m not remotely interested in or fond of call a lot. Well companies wanting to ask questions about what I think about them. Short answer is I don’t. *click*

I was getting a lot of calls from SiriusXM radio and OnStar to renew my trials. They called every single day and sometimes multiple times a day for a month.  The trials weren’t even over at that point! I finally ended up blocking them.  I was beginning to wonder if I owed them money or something. I renewed the SiriusXM subscription because I enjoy the variety of music genres it gives me. It’s much better than the five or so FM stations I can tolerate here.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m going to renew the OnStar trial. The big value for me would be the in car 4G hot spot and the guidance trial. The hot spot is pretty flaky and slow when parked and it’s not really useful to me when I’m driving because, I’m driving. Maybe I’ll give it a try if they give me a great deal in the future otherwise I can do without. I kind of like the navigation but it’s a bit redundant with the in dash gps.

Why is it so hard to find some shoes online? I’m tired of finding something I like only for it to be too expensive, out of stock, or just not available in my size. How come nobody stocks size 14? Last time I checked 14 was the new 13. Tired of the baby feet dudes getting all of the shoe love.

I need a pedicure and my toes sucked.

I’m 95% certain I’ll be moving next year.  I hate the whole moving process but it’s past time to bounce. Too many annoying ass little kids and teens, not enough childless hoochies trying to spread their thighs, and the complex doesn’t seem to be a priority since they opened the newer one down the street. I also want someplace I can stretch out and grow, somewhere with a porch, maybe a deck (for grilling & hanging out), and a fenced yard for the dog. I’m thinking I’ll still be in the Triangle but I could definitely be talked into moving closer to the ocean and the beaches.  I’m a city boy through and through but I can definitely be about that beach life. Nope, you can’t visit me either unless I’m painting your insides.

I really enjoyed Captain America: Civil War. It’s the best superhero movie that comes to mind recently. I’d put it up there with The Dark Knight. Civil War had the right mix of comedy, action, and drama. The Black Panther was a badass and Spider-Man was laugh out loud funny. I still find it incredulous that some people still leave Marvel movies before the credits. There’s two stingers one during the credits and one after the credits.

I’m a little bummed that I still haven’t seen Batman Vs Superman yet. I’ve heard mixed reviews on the movie. I can’t really say I’m surprised because I was saying last year that this movie looked like a big comic book clusterfuck. I’ll probably wait for it to hit OnDemand or the dollar show if I don’t just hold out for the blu-ray.