Well, shit who would’ve thought that it would take the real life Walking Dead to get me to blog again? I kid but I’m kind of serious. It’s been a year and a few days since I last dusted off this blog and blessed you with a post. Yeah, I know I suck. Fortunately, for you I ain’t got shit else to do at the moment so I’m back bitches! Too much? *shrug* Too bad! You know you missed me. *whispers* I may have missed you a little bit too but not the lurkers. *shouts* Fuck you Casper the scary ass ghost motherfuckers to infinity and beyond with a bag of lemon glazed baby dicks! Ah, that felt good! I think I came a little. *checks* Yep, I did.
How is everybody? That’s good. Me? Honestly, I’m bored and horny as fuck. I should be sucking on some fat quarantitties and staying in place in somebody’s daughter’s ass but pussy is scarcer than toilet paper and hand sanitizer in the middle of the day. How the fuck am I suppose to father some of these coronababies if your womb is on hoerantine! I’m trying to do my part to (re)populate (depending on how shit goes) the world in this pandemic and y’all playing keep away with the pussy!
I’m glad this isn’t actually a zombie virus because these same motherfuckers who can’t stay their asses at home are the same ones who’d hide being bitten.
People ask me how I’m holding up. Surprisingly, being a homebody with recluse tendencies has prepared me pretty well. The sucky thing is not wanting to do something is very different from not being able to do something. Telling me I can’t do something is a surefire way to make me want to do it i.e., don’t touch your face. It’s a cute face and since I’ve been making an effort to grow my facial hair I can’t help but stroke my goatee. Ok, that sounds kind of nasty but damn if I don’t feel like a James Bond villain while doing it. Speaking of James Bond, I’m so pissed the corana panic pushed back the release! I was really looking forward to that, New Mutants, Black Widow, and the next Fast & Furious movie. I miss going to the movies. I don’t miss them enough to pay $20 to see first run movies at home that I could’ve caught at the theater for at least half the price though. Nice try Hollywood but fuck that and fuck you too!
I miss sports too. Let’s see Summer Olympics delayed until next year. I was looking forward to women’s track and field, gymanstics, volleyball, and all the spandex clad girly bits this year. Wrestlemania is pre-taped in an empty arena so I’m probably going to take a hard pass on that unless I get tired of abusing my dick and I can catch it for free. The NFL draft is still on for the moment so that’s one thing I can look forward to. Hell, it might be the only thing I’m looking forward to in the next month. So I guess if we get this virus contained by Easter like Dumbass Donald wants or realistically any time this year we’re going to be shit out of luck for entertainment for awhile. Pornhub premium is free though if you want to watch from your computer so there’s that. Silver linings people.
Didn’t realize so many people either didn’t wash their hands or wash them properly. Nasty ass bastards! With that said I’m going to scream if I see another PSA or news anchor telling me about how to wash my fucking hands! If we haven’t learned how to by now then it’s just too late. Move on to something else basic and pedantic like how to wipe our asses and brush our teeth. *eyeroll*
PSA: To every company I’ve ever given my email to. I do NOT give a fuck how your company is handling COVID-19! Quit emailing me that shit!
When this is over, I never want to hear about social distancing, Zoom, or TikTok ever again. Why TikTok? Apparently, I have an irrational annoyance with it. It’s stupid and I just want to punch people in the throat whenever I see one of those stupid ass videos. I also lose a little respect for people who make those videos and die a little inside every time I watch one of those vapid things. Watching the news or other shows with anchors or guests video conferencing in is just not entertaining to me. One, someone’s connection always sucks and two, seeing people with so much more money than me having such boring looking rooms in their homes is really disappointing to me on some level. It’s like who’s the bigger basic bitch you or your designer?
I kind of want an e-reader. I need something to do and some escape from all the coranavirus panic doom and gloom. Any recommendations? Reading might do the job in the short term. While I actually prefer actual hard and soft cover books I just don’t have the space for any more books at the moment.
I ended up leasing again. I briefly considered buying the last car I leased but I wanted something with newer technology. I also thought about upgrading to the latest model year of last car but they did a couple of things to turn me off from the brand so I’m done with them for awhile. Honestly, part of me is waiting for the price of electric vehicles to drop a bit more and the charging technology to catch up before finally buying something. Until then, I decided to lease and then reevaluate when my lease ends. I miss my Cocoa Nina but I’m mostly loving my new ride Tallulah almost a year later.
Well, guess that’s it for now. Hopefully, I’ll post again before next year or the world really ends. Please send snacks, cash (I know that corona check is coming), or nudes (women only) all are appreciated. Also, if you have any hot and funny friends send me a link to their social media. I need some new peeps to follow.