I always plan on updating more often and getting back into blogging and then… nothing. What’s up? November was the one year anniversary of losing my dog. I miss my greedy, Chewbacca howling pig. I’ve been thinking of adopting a new dog but I didn’t feel ready or that it was even right until somewhat recently. I’ve been stalking the pages of a couple of shelters. I kind of want another pitbull. Of course, as is wont when I allow myself to feel excited about anything someone pisses in my corn flakes. I get a letter from the homeowners association talking about they want to vote on a change to the covenant and restrict certain breeds of dogs. Seriously, now? Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t get the dog because it’s possible I’d have to get rid of it or move.
I stupidly made plans to spend New Year’s Eve with a friend in Florida. I was looking forward to it. I was excited. You know what that means, right? Omarion, the stank ass variant pisses in my orange juice and tells me to drink up. The U.S. and other countries make minor changes to policies/travel restrictions to combat Omarosa creating a snowball effect that basically makes it difficult, if not impossible, to make the date work and I get screwed. Thanks, Omaha! I really needed this. I’ve felt alone, lonely, and mostly abandoned since the original lockdown. I even thought about killing myself a couple of times during the pandemic. I’m over it, for now. Still hate almost everything about life in the pandemic though.
Since I couldn’t be where I wanted to be for New Years Eve, I decided on a new tradition. Get a scratch off. I was going to wait until midnight to scratch off my ticket but I wasn’t sure I would even bother to stay up so I scratched off the ticket. For a moment I thought I won a couple hundred thousand dollars. I was about to lose my fucking mind. Unfortunately, upon double checking I misread the rules. I did win $200 though so while not enough for a major life change it was a nice way to end the year.
I saw someone about my anxiety. She was a practitioner of cognitive behavioral therapy. Mindfulness was really difficult for me. It felt foreign and unnatural, not to mention it goes against my inner voice. I’ve been trying to incorporate it more into my daily routine with some success. Maybe I need to start journaling my thoughts more often. Seems like it worked better for me when I made it an assignment that I had to incorporate and report back on. I don’t know. Meditation is much more difficult for me. My mind is always racing with thoughts of something. Clearing it and letting go of (or pushing out) the thoughts is something I’ve never been good at or able to do consistently.
We finally got some snow in my neck of the woods. Last week we received a whole half an inch of snow. It was gone a couple of hours after the sun came up. The weekend prior we received three and a half inches of snow. It actually stuck around grassy areas for the weekend. No luck this weekend as the past two days have been in the upper 60s.
I would take bets on when I’ll next post but by the time I do you’ll probably forget. Also I’m not paying you even if you are correct. 😂