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Greetings and salutations ladies and gentleman. I’m Freaky Deaky, your host and today is Fuck it Friday! If you’re new to my blog or to Fuck it Friday then you should come back another day. This probably isn’t the best post to read if you’re brand new and want a proper introduction to me (or maybe it is). If you’ve decided to stick around anyway then you definitely need to take a few moments to peruse the disclaimer & rules and the comment sections. It might come in handy if you check out the about me section too. All of the previously mentioned sections are located on the Pages sidebar.

You probably noticed that this post isn’t password protected. Well if you’re a regular it doesn’t matter because you get the password. However if you’re a blue mooner or lurker then you frequently miss out on this anger strewn goodness because I generally save it as a feature for my regulars. Every once in a blue moon I feel nice and want to share. Ok, I’m just bored, don’t feel like thinking of any clever passwords, and it just suits my fancy not to password protect it right now. I may change my mind and slap one on five minutes or five hours from now. We’ll see. Don’t worry the next Fuck it Friday will resume making use of lurker deterrent. I also feel like experimenting so this post will only be open for comments over the weekend. After the weekend (late Sunday night/early Monday morning perhaps) comments will be disabled and the post will probably be password protected so comment while you can.

Fuck it Friday is my extra special series of rants dedicated to the people, places, and things that piss me the fuck off. You’re not going to find brotherhood, sisterhood, hugs, kisses, or warm and fuzzy feelings here. There are plenty of other bloggers who represent sunshine, unicorns, rainbows, and all that other cute and happy bullshit or at least put on airs like they do. If that’s more to your liking then I question why your curious ass is here in the first place but feel free to go find them or go to hell. Either or both are fine with me. The things I say on this post and on this blog in general may be consider anti-religious, anti-children, sexist, racist, elitist, or any other type of “anti” or “ist”. If this offends your sensibilities then tough titties, I didn’t ask you here in the first place so get the fuck on and don’t come back! If anything I say here hits a bit too close to home for you then you need to work on that. I’m not going to apologize for any sentiment I express, either explicitly or implicitly, on Fuck it Friday! or any other post on my blog. I’m only speaking on my experiences, perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and reality. Yours may differ but understand even if that is the case your reality has no bearing on mine whatsoever.

Fuck everybody in the throat with AIDS infected syringes who took glee in telling me about baby mama #1’s marriage to a corny ass lame who will not be named and her tattoo! I know people abuse the hell out of the term hater but that’s some straight crabs in a barrel hater shit! It’s also the reason why we can’t seem to get any forward progress as a race and I have a Confederate battle robe, hood, and noose in the back of my closet.

Fuck the asshole with the fingers of the dead relative he/she loved the most that keeps waking me up every goddamn morning honking his/her horn! What the fuck is your problem? Call that motherfucker when you pull up and tell him/her to come out or here’s an idea waddle your ass out of the fucking car and ring their buzzer you ignorant, inconsiderate, shiftless little assfuck!

Fuck people with cellphones or blue tooth headsets glued to the side of their faces who can’t or won’t get off the fucking phone! Is it that serious that you need to stay on the phone while you’re in the stall of a public restroom taking a shit? Why the hell do we need signs asking or telling people to end their phone calls before coming to the window? Because of oblivious bastards like you with an overinflated and false sense of self importance, that’s why! I hope someone bends you over and stuffs that cellphone and headset up your stupid ass!

Fuck dumb bastards who run into a store about five minutes before it closes, grabs a cart, and gets mad because the cashier looks at her cross eyed! Shut the fuck up bitch! You know you’re wrong for that and deserve to be dragged up and down the store and the parking lot by your nasty, nappy ass weave, you fucking yak head bitch!

Fuck all the new people I see popping up on other people’s blogs saying hi and actually commenting while I get a bunch of new scary pussy bitch ass lurkers saying absolutely nothing! Satan forbid I ever get to expand and diversify my comments a bit or find new blogs to read without the same damn people I see on every other blog I read. Maybe I need to create an alter and ditch some things like the name, current blog, etc. so people will quit being so fucking scared of me to even comment. Bitches.

Fuck bored trick ass lurkers with nothing better to do than to lurk and try to start blog beef! Ok it was me behind the e-mail trying to start shit. Sike! As I was reminded, my style is more like trying to get chicks to wrestle in baby oil or Jell-O. So with that said, um Zora, one of my readers has challenged you to a wrestling match/strip off in a pit of peach Jell-O. I know you’re not going to take that are you? Tell me when and where you want to fight and I’ll be there with some video equipment and cameras. What?!

Fuck bloody pussy punks who try to insult or dis you on the sly! Put on your Pull-Ups and come at me like you have some swagger! Name names and say what you mean because when I respond and you know I will I’m giving names, URLs, e-mail addresses, pictures, and anything else I have when I disrespect your monkey ass in the worse way possible and tell you about yourself. So be a G or stay on your knees while nibbling on…deez nuts! Beeyotch!

Fuck getting longer, more thoughtful, and interesting comments from a throwaway meme than with an honest to god, heartfelt post and good writing! Funny acting weird motherfuckers!

Fuck Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic! Superman should’ve called the rest of the Justice League to back him up instead of the Magic. Now if Cleveland can beat up on the Celtics some and take them to a game seven then everything will be as it should.

Fuck White Castle! Maybe I have a different version of what “everything” on a cheeseburger means but is there some reason why you’ll put mustard on it and not the ketchup? How the fuck does mustard constitute everything since the pickles and onions are on it by default?

Fuck Best Buy taking all goddamned year posting my Reward Zone points to my account! Quit playing motherfuckers, I want my damn certificate!

Fuck burnt black chicks (and dudes *shudders*) who insist on running around with unnatural colored hair! Look when you have the same complexion as an oil slick during a lunar eclipse, cherry Kool-Aid colored hair isn’t your friend! Walking around with hair the color of a flames and looking like a bootleg Human Torch isn’t cool either. Hell, while we’re at it blue, purple, hot pink and other anime and manga inspired hair colors are also an automatic no-no for your murky ass too! And for the love of God, Satan, and Tickle Me Elmo quit walking around with platinum blond hair looking like a cremated “Nature Boy” Ric Flair! Whooooo! Hoe sit your fucktarded ass down and get a hair color not made by Crayola! Get it through your head when we point in your direction and fall out laughing we’re not laughing with you we’re laughing at you!

Fuck clown ass niggas running around with rainbow colored braids and dreads looking like a rainbow Rasta or a queer Predator! If your hairdresser told you to rock that then you need to drag that son of a bitch down a few flights of stairs, through a couple of public restrooms, and through a trash strewn alley before stomping the shit out of him or her. If a friend told you that was hot then trust me when I say that is NOT your friend. That shit is so not cute!

Fuck my keyboard with corrosive batteries! I was sitting here trying to type something and the cursor wasn’t moving for shit. I reestablish the wireless connection and still nothing. Turns out I needed new batteries. I’m sitting here thinking of everything that could be causing my problem except for the battery. Looks like it’s going to be one of those days. As much as I type I have to say this keyboard has some fantastic battery life. I don’t even remember the last time I changed the batteries before today.

Fuck Kwame Kilpatrick changing city policy to now make all phone calls and text messages on city owned phones private! If you would’ve done that shit in the first place you wouldn’t be a laughing stock and your lover wouldn’t be deciding if she is going to flip and snitch on your ass because she’s broke and drowning under a mountain of debt.

Fuck the Detroit City Council! Nowadays it seems like they spend more money trying to get the mayor booted out of office, posturing, passing toothless resolutions condemning him, and getting face time on TV then they do doing whatever the fuck they got elected and paid to do.

Fuck Comcast and that red message indicator light on my box! I don’t give a light, airy fuck about your online e-billing so quit bothering me with that shit already! I also don’t give a fuck that you now have episodes of Go Diego Go on demand. Fuck Diego in the ass with a Catholic priest’s cock while watching Dora get gangbanged by the Care Bears! Fuck whatever movie you want to hype up too! Chances are I already have it or I never wanted to see it anyway! Once I delete something, I’m not interested in it so don’t send me the same fucking message a day or two later or next week! I understand most people are nice to retards but when that retard is a corporate entity then those social norms don’t apply. So kick bricks and drown yourselves!

Fuck Barack Obama coming to Michigan and still not apologizing for that bitch ass move he made by taking himself off the ballot! I don’t like Hillary but I still hope you don’t get any of those undecided votes you black Lurch looking, Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson sounding motherfucker! Two middle fingers for you and four for his apologists/supporters/dick riders/dumb bastards who think he’s the great black hope! You still have time to do the right thing Barack if you still want a chance of getting my vote. Just say you were wrong and we can move on…eventually.

Fuck seeing mothers on Black Planet with freaky pages and linking to their kids’ pages! First off who the fuck lets their mama get on BP?! I wouldn’t even be responsible for what my pimp hand did to my mama if I ever caught wind of her having a page on BP, MySpace, or any other social network. Second, if you’re going to act like a big ole Internet hoe why would you want those freaks to be able to find and have access to your kids? Unless you’re trying to keep it in the family and if that’s the case holla at me because that’s something I’m interested in trying out. What?! Don’t judge me! I don’t care what you think. Your morality will never override mine.

Fuck people who leave too many car spaces ahead of them! I hate being trapped behind your slow ass while traffic passes me by on both sides. All this because I’m going too slow, thanks to your turtle ass, to safely get into another lane to pass your bitch ass up! Traffic in the other lanes won’t slow down to let me pass you and you still keep puttering along like you have nowhere to go. Well I do so move the fuck on! Better yet save some gas and get a bike. You’d probably pedal just as fast as your slowpoke ass drives!

Well in the immortal words of Porky Pig after a night of cheap liquor and cheaper women, “F-f-f-f-f-fuck you mo-mo-mo-motherf-f-f-f-fuckers! I’m out!